The Death of Me (COMPLETED)

Chapter Eighteen

Who's point of view do you like reading from better? Will or Tessa?

Will

I was numb, but not in a good way.
As we drove home, it was silent other than the sniffles and cries.
I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that Jem, my brother, my best friend, was dead.
Just thinking about it made me want to throw up.
Luke drove us all back to the house. Charlotte sat next to Jessamine, who sat next to Tessa, who sat next to me. Cecily was in the trunk with the wheelchair and crutches. She didn't care if she was breaking the law.
Something was missing.
Jem.
I couldn't freaking breathe.
Tessa sat with her head on my shoulder, her tears soaking my sleeve.
My tears had stopped flowing a couple minutes ago. I had none left. Now, I could feel everything breaking inside of me.
When we arrived back at the house, I kicked off my shoes and peeled off my socks. Then, I walked slowly up to our room.
It wasn't our room anymore; there was only one person living in it.
I chocked back a sob.
When I threw the door open, Jem was there, sitting on his bed, reading a book.
I blinked.
He was gone.
He had never been there in the first place. It was my imagination.
I sat down on my brother's bed, trying and failing to hold back tears.
This room brought back so many memories. It pained me to recall them.
I had to get out of here.
I sprinted downstairs and out of the house. I ran down the sidewalk, my bare feet pounding on the the concrete. In the back of my mind, I was aware that I would have blisters, but I just had to get away from the memories. From the room that held too many reminders and too much pain.
I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. I scraped both of my hands, and for a moment, the agony in my hands numbed the agony in my heart. I couldn't feel any of the pain, the sadness, or the anger. All there was was the blood on my hands, now trickling down my wrists.
Then it came back in a rush, even worse than before.
If only pain could be numbed like that more often.

. . . .

I eventually went back to the house. Charlotte rushed over to me. Her eyes were red rimmed from crying.
"William Owen Herondale," She cried furiously. "I was so scared. Where were you? Never do that again!"
I immediately felt guilty. "Sorry, Charlotte," I said. "I went to my room and the memory of him was overwhelming. I- I had to get out."
She crushed me in a hug.
We stood like that for a few minutes, holding onto each other.
"I love you, Mom," I whispered.
"I love you, too, Will."
The door to Tessa's room opened and she came limping out on her crutches. She looked tired.
When she saw me, she went over and sat down on the couch. "Will, come here," She told me.
I broke away from Charlotte and sat down by her.
Tessa hugged me. I held her tight, smoothing down her hair. She kissed my neck. "I'm sorry," She whispered. "About Jem."
I said nothing, just kissed the top of her head. Then, I kissed her on the lips.
Tessa tasted like vanilla and sunshine, and she was so adorable when I kissed her. She always gasped, like she was surprised this was happening.
I had wanted her before, on the ambulance, but the want in that moment was overwhelming.
I wanted to outline her body with my lips, to feel every part of her soft skin. I pulled her closer to me, if that was even possible. I ran my hands through her hair, loving how her curls wrapped around my fingers.
Her hands traveled down my back. Next, Tessa pushed her hands up the back of my shirt, running them up and down the skin. I was sure she was about to take off my shirt, when we were interrupted.
"Please don't go any further on the couch," Cecily said.
As I pulled from Tessa, the reality slapped me in the face.
Cecily was in one of her moods. I could tell by the look on her face. She was in her I don't care about literally anything mood. It was the mood in which she made stupid decisions. If a car was coming at her, she probably wouldn't move. It was scary and sad to see her like this, so we tried to keep her in a better mood.
Charlotte, who had left the room, came back in and took Cecily by the hand, telling her something I couldn't hear and then leaving the room.
I glanced at Tessa. The kiss had numbed my sadness, but I refused to use her like that. That'd be such a rude thing to do.
Of course, there was another option.
Pain numbs pain.