The Death of Me (COMPLETED)

Chapter Twenty Two

Will

People began leaving the party around midnight. Tessa and I began looking for Jessamine and Cecily at about 12:30. We found Cecily upstairs passed out in a bedroom that was completely decked out in black. There was a small bookshelf in the corner and a television on the wall. A desk was pushed up against another wall. A bow and a sheath of arrows was leaning against the desk. I didn't think Cecily was supposed to be in there. We had woken her  up and gone to find my other sister.
We located Jessamine making out with Sebastian in the basement. We were able to drag her away from him.
Jessamine was drunk, and I'm pretty sure Cecily had been, too. Cecily passed out again the second she climbed in the passenger seat. Jessamine tried to get in the driver's seat, but I sat her in the back next to Tessa and began to drive us back to the house. There was no way she would get us home safely in her condition.
I had tried to have fun at the party. I truly had, but seeing everyone clustered with their groups of friends made my heart ache. As Tessa went off with Sophie, Jessamine with Camille, and Cecily with Gabriel, I missed Jem desperately. If he was still here, we'd be doing what we always did at parties; Try to guess what people were talking about based on their expressions and hand movements. Instead, I had glanced at the cooler of alcohol countless times and hadn't even listened when people were speaking to me.
The temptation to forget the pain was strong. The day on the sidewalk kept coming back to me.
I had to stay sober because I knew Jessamine and Cecily would get drunk, and I wasn't sure if Tessa even had a license. Somebody had to drive them home.
I almost got some beer after a horrible thought had crossed my mind:
Why not get drunk and crash the car? Why not just join Jem now?
I had snapped out of it, but the memory haunted me.
I drove home, voices screaming in my ears.
You should've gotten them a ride home with someone else.
If they weren't here, you could crash now.
It could be over by now, you idiot!
I turned on the radio, hoping to block out the voices. A song called How To Save A Life by a band called The Fray was playing.

Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would've stayed up
With you all night
Had I known
How to save a life

I practically choked and switched radio stations. When It Rains sang by Paramore was playing on this one.

You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole
And you'll sleep till May
You'll say
That you don't wanna see the sun anymore

I switched stations again. Why were all these songs about death and suicide?
Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne was playing.

I miss you
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh, it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

I turned off the radio. "Will," Tessa said. "If you need me, I'm here."
"I'm fine," I replied. I didn't want to burden her with my sadness. What if she didn't accept it and I lost her too?
She was my girlfriend, though. She loved me. She wouldn't ever leave me.
Would she?
We arrived home.
Charlotte was ticked that Jessamine and Cecily were both drunk. "I'm going to bed," I announced. "I should get some sleep as well," Tessa said. "Do you want me to come with you, Will?"
I shook my head. "I'll be fine, Tess," I said, attempting a smile. She grinned back and headed to her room.
I walked up to my room, shutting the door behind me.
I would not be fine. The nightmares would be coming for me tonight, possibly worse than last time.
But Tessa needed sleep. She didn't need to watch me.
I stared at the bed that had once been Jem's for a moment, then grabbed some pajamas from the dresser and changed.
I climbed the ladder to my own bunk. I crawled under the blankets, snatching the remote controller from my pillow. I turned on the television, hoping to put off sleep as long as possible.
I flipped through the channels, hoping to find something to take my mind off of Jem. Eventually I began to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire, which was playing on Freeform. I'd read the book twice and seen the movie a million times, and I knew the story well. I wasn't paying much attention. I could hear my sisters screaming at each other. Cecily must've woken up, still a bit drunk. I heard Charlotte interfere. Then, I heard two doors slam. I turned my attention back to the movie.
I was exhausted, but I didn't want to scare Tessa or my family. Maybe I'd just shut my eyes for a second.
Without meaning to, I drifted off.

. . . .

The first thing I noticed was the weather. It was freezing. The second thing I noticed was the setting.
London, Hyde Park.
Where Ella was shot.
It was empty and silent. No gunshots or tourists milling about. Just me and the other boy.
Jem.
I waved and walked towards him.
Jem glared at me. I stopped.
"This is your fault," He snapped. "You did this. If you weren't so caught up in your own problems, you would've noticed I was getting bad again!" His voice rose to a yell. "I HATE YOU!"
I stood staring at Jem, shocked. "I- I'm sorry. I'll do anything to bring you back. I'm so sorry," I whispered.
Jem walked towards me. "William, sorry won't fix it."
We were face to face now.
"You deserve pain," He whispered. "I'm dead because of you, William."

. . . .

I awoke in cold sweat, breathing heavily. My eyes were wet and a scream was rising in my throat. I fought it back.
You deserve pain, William.
He was right. He was more than right.
I stumbled out of bed and down the ladder, searching the room for something sharp, anything sharp. What was in this room that I could use?
You shouldn't do this. Please don't do this.
It was Jem's voice. Not the one from the nightmare, but my brother.
It was too late to stop now.
I located some scissors on the desk.
This will numb the pain.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
I pushed the blade into my arm.