The Death of Me (COMPLETED)

Chapter Twenty Five

Will

I wasn't ready for this.
I would never be ready for this.
How do you prepare yourself for a funeral?
How do you get ready for people to talk about the dead person's life, about their favorite memories with that person?
How does one ready himself for people to tell you that this person is dead, that they will never be coming back, no matter how much you may want to believe it?
Why does the word "Funeral" have the word "Fun" in it? I'm pretty sure Jem's burial would not be enjoyable.
The answers the these questions? Despite the number of novels I have read in which there are funerals, I had no idea.
The funeral home was dark. The lights were dimmed and everybody was wearing black. The first person to approach us was Cecily's friend, Gabriel Lightworm. "Hey, Cece," He said, throwing an arm around her shoulder and kissing her cheek.
Okay, maybe they were a little more than friends now.
"How are you?" Gabriel asked Cecily. "Bad," She huffed in return. "No, Gabriel, I'm just great, you know? My brother died and now we're at his funeral." Gabriel stared at her. "He was your brother?"
Cecily cussed. "I forgot you didn't know we were adopted. Well, there's no going back now. I, Cecily Herondale, am a teenage girl with a bit of a cursing problem that was adopted by Charlotte and Henry Branwell along with my brother, William Herondale, at age six. Later, Jem Carstairs and Jessamine Lovelace joined the family."
Gabriel grinned. "That's awesome, Cecily."
She looked taken aback. "R-really?" She stuttered. "Y-you think so? You don't hate me? Don't think I'm weird?" Gabriel just smiled at her. "Of course not. You're still my Cecily who loves horror movies and has a Sonic addiction that is probably going to kill her one day, but that's okay. I don't care about your past. I love you for who you are now. I will always love you, through the good and the bad and the ugly."
I'm pretty sure Cecily was going to start crying. In that moment, I liked Gabriel Lightwood a little bit more than I used to.
The next thing I knew Sophie Collins was hugging Tessa. "I'm so sorry," She said to Tessa and I. "You two were friends with him, weren't you?" Tessa nodded and Sophie hugged her tighter.
Tessa looked at me. "Do you want to go and see him?" She asked. I nodded. We headed up to where the casket was.
I didn't know if I could handle seeing him again.
When we finally reached the casket, I grabbed Tessa's hand and looked at my dead brother.
Jem was dressed in a gray suit and his hair was done neatly. He looked peaceful, like he could be sleeping.
He would be sleeping for a very long time.
I tore my eyes away, feeling them fill with tears. I couldn't bear to look at his corpse any longer. We joined the rest of my family again as the funeral began.
I was able to listen to about three sentences before my ears started ringing.
I squeezed my eyes shut as scenes began to flash through my mind.
Jem and I when we first met.
Jem and I going to see Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part Two in theaters.
Jem and I on the cruise we went on last year.
Jem and I playing soccer together.
Jem's ninth birthday party.
Jem getting picked on for his hair at school, and when I told Charlotte about the bullying.
Jem laughing at a stupid joke I made.
Jem and I choosing our electives.
Jem and I trying to make a cake and breaking the oven.
Jem and I trying to persuade Charlotte to put us in the same math class.
Jem and I helping Henry in his workshop.
Jem.
I couldn't breathe for a moment, then I was crying harder than I ever had in my life. I could feel people's eyes on me, but at the moment I didn't care. More memories crowded my mind.
Jem and I buying Cecily cruddy Christmas gifts she probably won't like because she never gave us a list.
Jem listening to my ranting about how frustrating people could be sometimes.
Jem and I playing Kirby's Return To Dreamland on the Wii.
Jem.
People say boys are wimps if they cry, but when girls bawl, it's okay. So, according to society, if boys show emotion in any way it makes them weaker. And yet, if you don't show emotion, then you're cold and heartless. That's what crossed my mind when I noticed that some of the kids from school were looking at me funny when I was crying.
Oh, God forbid that I, Will Herondale, one of the most popular, most loved kids at school, sob during my brother's funeral! And if they tease me about this at school, you know what? Screw them. At least I have emotions.
Through the ringing, as the flashbacks got faster, some of James's final words ran through my head;
Between all the lesson, jokes, and stories, we have experianced one story. It will always be my favorite tale. Thank you, Will. Thank you for everything.
I had to get out if there. Ignoring the stares, I pushed my way to the door. Shoving it open, a gust of wind hit me. I breathed it in and I ran towards the car. When I arrived, I leaned against it and let my emotions get the best of me.
I do believe that it was right then in there, leaning against a silver car in a vacant parking lot outside a funeral home, that it all finally set in.
Jem was gone. And he was never coming back.
The ringing in my ears finally stopped and the movie in my head ended. I was left with nothing but myself and the despair that had taken over.
I looked up the sky and screamed. "NO!" I yelled. "NO, PLEASE NO, I'M SORRY, I'M SO SORRY! JUST GIVE ME MY BROTHER BACK! PLEASE! WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I'M SO SORRY!"
I felt a hand on my back.
"Will," Tessa whispered. "It's okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay."
I don't know how long I sobbed in her arms, but I know I cried until I was out of tears.
"I'm sorry, Tess," I whispered. "For what?" She asked.
"Getting so upset."
"Oh, sweetie, you did nothing wrong. William, you could cry an entire ocean and I would still love you."
"I love you no matter what as well."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I sighed. "Tessa, love, there's nothing to tell. But I do have a confession."
She pulled back just enough so that I could look into her beautiful gray eyes. She'd been crying, I could tell.
I took a breath. "Tessa, those cuts weren't from Church. I did it myself. I used a pair of scissors the first time, then a razor blade. It made the pain go away, even if it was only for a second or two. I- I'm so sorry. I know what your brother did to you and I feel horrible a-" She silenced me by putting a finger to my lips. "It's okay, Will. I just want you to be safe and happy and healthy. Just please don't hurt yourself anymore, okay?"
I crushed her in a hug. Our forms fit perfectly together. I buried my face in her hair and inhaled her scent. She smelled like flowers and sunshine.
"Oh, how I love you," Tessa whispered, her lips barely brushing my ear. "You'll be the death of me, William Herondale. You will."

The End