The Death of Me (COMPLETED)

Chapter Twenty

Will

Dear Jem,

You will never read this because you are dead.
I miss talking to you, so I'm going to write these anyways.
If Jessie ever found out, she'd mock me. I've decided I don't care.
James, I don't know what to do. This loss has been so hard on me. It's been hard on everyone else as well. Charlotte and Henry are beating themselves up about it. Tessa feels bad, like it's her fault. Cecily only comes out of her room for meals and is blaring Twenty One Pilots so loud I'm afraid I'll go deaf, but nobody's told her to turn it off. Jessamine acts like she's fine, but I can hear her crying at night.
As for me? I feel like I need to be there for them, but I just had no motivation to get up this morning. I miss you. This is my fault. I should've seen the signs, I should've know something was wrong, Jem.
I'm so sorry.
I need a way to escape this pain.

Sincerely,
W. H.

I was sitting alone at the desk in our room. Tessa was in the shower, Cecily was in her bedroom, Charlotte and Henry were planning Jem's funeral, and Jessamine was supposed to come home from school any minute now.
I stood up and stared at the letter.
I need a way to escape this pain.
Jessamine barged in my room. "There's a party tonight at the Lightwood house. You're coming," she said.
"Jessamine, no," I protested.
"Jessamine, yes. You can't stay holed up in here forever, Will. You need to socialize. People at school miss you," She said.
There was no use arguing. What was the use in anything anymore?
"Fine," I said. "Just don't make Cecily or Tessa go if they don't want to."
"Oh, Cecily's going all right," Jessamine said. She turned and exited the room.
I lay on the bed.
I could hear Cecily's music. She had changed it from Twenty One Pilots to Daughter. She was listening to a song called Medicine.

Pick it up, pick it all up
And start again
You've got a second chance
You could go home
Escape it all
It's just irrelevant

It's just medicine
It's just medicine

You could still be
What you want to
What you said you were
When I met you

You've got a warm heart
You've got a beautiful brain
But it's disintegrating
From all the medicine
From all the medicine

Tessa came into my room. "Hello, Will," she said. "Jessamine said we're going to a party tonight. Are you ready?"
I sat up.
Tessa looked beautiful in the green shirt she was wearing with black leggings and boots. Her hair was wet and curly. She smiled at me, trying to lighten the mood.
"Does it look okay, Will?" She asked.
"Phenomenal, Tess," I replied.
She smiled wider and came over to me. "You might want to get dressed," She said.
I looked at my pajamas. "Did you think I was going to go in this?" I asked her jokingly.
Tessa put a hand on my shoulder. "Let's have fun tonight, okay? Don't think about yesterday." She kissed me quickly, then got up and left.
I changed into a gray T- shirt and and jeans and went downstairs. I didn't care if my hair was a mess.
Jessamine and Tessa were waiting downstairs. I put on my shoes. Cecily came down next in a sweatshirt and jeans. Her converse were untied.
"Let's go," Jessamine said.
"Did you tell Charlotte where we were going?" I asked.
"Yep."
Jessie was driving. Tessa sat in the backseat next to me. Cecily sat in the passenger seat.
"Isabelle's nice," Tessa said. "Is Alec? I've never really talked to him."
"He doesn't really talk to anybody outside of Magnus, Izzy, and Jace," I replied. "He's not a people person."
Tessa smiled. "I love you, Will," She said.
"I love you, too," I said, lacing her fingers with mine.
I'd already lost my blood parents and my brother. I would not lose the love of my life.