All Things Possible - District3 - Greg West

Part 29

Part 30: -

May Twenty-Eight.

Elianna’s POV

“Elianna Borthwick” My therapist shouted.

    I was nervous to say the least. I had to tell her the truth today and I couldn’t even bring myself to admit the truth. I was scared. I was terrified of the outcome. Today could see my life take a drastic turn. I could be put on anti-depressants or I could be told to go home and just have a think about things. In reality, I don’t even know what I want. Do I want pills? Or do I want it done naturally? I couldn’t even tell myself the answer.  However, whatever answer I was thinking, I couldn’t even formulate as to how I got there. I was muddled. I was confused and even more.

“So how are you feeling?” She asked as we sat down.

“Numb” I shrugged.

“Numb how?”

“I feel nothing. I walk around as if…” I said trailing off.

“Like how?” She asked further.

“I just feel as if I’m not here. Not on this planet” I admitted.

“So how do you feel?”

“Like how?”

“Like, do you feel numb all the time? Are you emotional sometimes? Do you go up and then down? Or are you just neutral?”

“I don’t even know. I cry randomly at times over nothing. Yesterday, I had a photo shoot and afterwards, I sat down and cried over nothing. Greg tried to console me but nothing was working. No one’s words could get through to my head. It just felt like one big circle” I sighed.

“Do you ever feel like you’re not wanted?”

“Sometimes. I know Greg loves me, since he says it repeatedly but it often feels like it’s not true. I know it’s only been two weeks since I last saw you but it just feels as if I’m just a waste of space to everyone. I feel like I’m a burden” I shrugged.

“What do you do when you get these feelings?”

“I try and shrug them off or busy myself into other things. Normally they include talking to my friends about something completely random. Or as of late, packing”

“Do you ever starve yourself or bury yourself too deep into something that you forget to eat?”

“Nope. However, Greg does that. He doesn’t eat for hours on end. He can’t sleep much either, he always has these nightmares of the nightmare”

“That’s not what I asked. Take Greg out of this conversation for a second. Do you not eat?”  She spoke once again.

“I eat. Sometimes an arm and a leg. I’m always hungry. Something I never was” I replied.

“OK, that’s a good thing. Do you ever have these recurring images flash through your head?”

“I have nightmares sometimes. That’s it really”

“What are they about?”

“Just about the attack. They’re mainly about them finding my again, them hurting me again and killing my loved ones”

“What do you do when these happen?”

“I usually grip onto Greg until they’ve passed. They aren’t frequent but they come and it hurts” I shrugged.

“How does Greg feel about everything that’s happening to you?”

“He says I have depression because I feel numb and I’m always breaking down over nothing. He thinks that I’m going to have to go on medication to help me control everything. Because there are times where I just feel like it’s best if I just leave and be gone. There’s no in between anymore” I spoke.