My Silenced Cries

I love you... I wouldnt say it if I didn't mean it

you have hurt me for the last time

I feel numb

freezing cold but running a high fever of about 104

calm as can be, I cant even move. But my pulse is racing a thousand miles an hour

collected and frozen 

mute and scarred

bleeding and shaky

but... with this...

You cant get me anymore

I am dead... 

Dead on the inside which is the worse kind of death

I am shattered

not broken because I was broken before.

But I am now shattered into a million tiny shards.

Hopless to being put back together.

My parents were right.

I am an obessive freak

Because you broke me and all I can think about now is seeing you...

holding you

telling you its ok and begging you to hurt me again

I mean I might as well right?

Your my everything

you still are and you always will be

No matter if you hate me

or I hate you

no matter if I am dead

or you forget about me and move on

no matter what you'll always be apart of my heart

the whole thing pretty much

you hurt me and dont even relize it

I take things to personally and I fall to quickly

I forgive to easy and give way to many hugs

I offer way to much advice

I take things to seriously 

and I live with my heart

not my head

so I get hurt to easy 

I know that there is no such thing as love

dream come trues

or happy endings

but... I cant help but belive that your the person that proves me wrong

I cant help but believe youll show me my happy ending

my dream come true

and teach me what love is

but I forgot that you're not like that

you never will be

I make you sound like a bitch because for some odd reason I just want you to hate me

I want you to hate me so I dont feel like shit for leaving you

so I cant hurt you or your happiness anymore

you're the reason

I stuck with you all those nights

The reason I'm still breathing

The reason I am who I am today

Why I have what little backbone I have

I still cant be mean but hey, sometimes I can be... 

sometimes I can stand up for myself

not a lot but there are times

I still cant believe I hurt you like that... 

I still cant believe I said that

that I went all crasy ass bitch on you

when really... I should just be happy for you

but you have no idea the hurt you put me through just with the little things you say

you dont mean to I know you dont

put you do.

I take everything the wrong way and I'm sorry 

for hurting you

for screaming

for not being the person you needed

for leaving

 and most of all... for even talking to you in the first place cause honestly it would have saved you a lot of pain and hurt that never needed to be caused... 

I'm sorry...  I really am

believe me or not I am sorry... 

and I love you Ivori

I wouldn't say it if I didnt...