first drafts | ✓

36 | Survivor of a Broken Love

First Drafts
- Survivor of a Broken Love -

Letting go does not come at once like you hoped it would. It came slowly, then all at once. There is no slamming the door shut, deleting all pictures and messages, and deciding you're finally over. It just spills out of you, messy and unkempt.

But the thing is, at first, you refuse to let go. You decide to keep it hidden, a secret between you and the principles you believe in.

If you hold on, your hand still fits in his, right?
If you hold on, something is still there, right?

You will be at home when the show he loves starts to play. Your heart will ache, and you think of telling him, and you go so far as to pulling out your phone and typing out his name. But then you stop. You put your phone down and decide to watch the show instead. You realize that the show does not have to be his because it can be yours too.

Months will pass, and he tells you he misses you. The little flame inside you has been set ablaze, and you try to speak, but it's all fire. You try to respond, but your fingertips are smoke.

Then you tell him you still love him
but there is no response, and you cry.

You cry for what you were and what you thought you had. You cry for him, how much you wanted him and what you could've given him. You cry for broken promises and futures that will not be realized. But mostly, you cry for yourself and all the emotions inside you. But it's okay—it's okay to be sad about this.

Slowly each morning, you wake up, breathe the air, and feel the morning warmth hug your body. You remember how much of your life you've lived without him. There's a bright star in the sky, and he loves those, and you hope he's happy. You hope he saw it. But you don't feel the need to tell him.

You look at yourself in the mirror and smile. Then you congratulate yourself for surviving another painful heartbreak.