A Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Chapter 36: I Know

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way."
—Pablo Neruda

You know that moment when you thought, you did write something down or did do something, that it felt so real in doing it, but really you just did it in your head? I told Esme about it but she said that she never had those moments. Well I had. I had that moment tons of times. And it was very awkward and embarassing and humiliating afterwards. You'll just want to hide away from the world— though not just in a way to escape by reading but seriously try to hide from existence at all.

The first time I had that moment was when I was nine. I was the next performer at my class.

"Gwen, are you ready?" My teacher asked, trying to calm me since I was jittering like a cat that went to a forced-bath. With my eyes wide, I nodded.

Then I started reading my report– a little something so that my classmates will think my performance was boring, but really there was more on it. At first, I felt like I was going to die, since everyone was watching me. All eyes were on me like they were mentally throwing knives at me. Judging me.

I thought I was going to pass out, but after a few minutes, I felt normal. Like I was doing well. And I was enjoying what I was doing. Everyone clapped at the end of my performance.

And then I heard it, like an alarm clock, waking me up from a dream. "Gwen, go on." I heard my teacher insisted. Then I realized that whatever just happened, only happened in my head. That I haven't even started. I thought I went through it. I thought I already performed, I thought I was done but it all just happened inside my mind. Nevertheless it felt so real.

Let's just say, after finding out that I was probably crazy, I passed out.

Those were crazy times. I thought I was done doing those but I overestimated the power of my mind.

I knew deep down that I hang up. I hang up the phone right after Luke told me he liked me. Therefore, what do I do if I have some thoughts to organize? I talk to myself out loud.

"I like you." He said and that made me hung up the phone quickly. My eyes widened, my heart was beating so fast. What just happened.

"Wait, did he just say... the words... wait what?" I said out loud. I continued, "he couldn't possibly mean that he likes me. He couldn't possibly... I'm such a potato." I groaned out loud. "Gods of Olympus! Is this it? Am I finally living in a book since I practically have the characteristics of a shallow main character? And now there's a boy that..." I frowned, another thought was brought up in my brain.

"Gwen! How can you even consider thinking that he likes you? Of course he didn't mean it like iy in the same way on how I feel. Of course not. Crazy Gwen. Crazy crazy...."

And right after my session with myself, I heard it his voice.

"Gwen... I think you're overthinking again," I heard Luke say. My head turns around to find my phone, since I was rolling around my bed like a madwoman, I seem to lose my phone in the sheets. When I found it, I think a big part of me just died. I didn't hang it up. I have put it on speaker.

I realized later on that he would have had heard what I just said.

Zues, please just hit me with some of your lightning already?

I closed my eyes, squeezing them hard. I can't believe it. I swear that I tapped the red button and not the mic button! WHY WAS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!

"I am betting you're mentally hitting yourself, aren't you? Talk to me, Gwen."

My face scrunched. I carefully opened my eyes, like my phone's a monster that'll eat me if a single movement was felt by it. I slowly untapped the "speaker" button and put my phone beside my ear.

"So... you heard all that?" I asked awkwardly, somehow defeated.

"I'm sorry, it was your private moment, I shouldn't have listened. I should have hang the phone up instead," Luke genuinely explained. He sounded guilty though.

I mentally groaned. Such a gentleman. I was expecting a smug attitude, yet here he is, just being so kind and adorable. How can I not like him?

Luke continued, "at first I thought you were just speaking things out loud like you usually do, but then you started talking to yourself. I swear Gwen, I was about to hung up, but then I started hearing... I mean I probably have no right to say this, and I think it would be better to say this in person but, how can you think that I cannot get attracted to you, Gwen?" He sounded like he was pained. "I can't explain what it feels like when I'm with you, but I'll try. Every time I'm with you, everything feels right. Every time I talk to you... God! I didn't know I," he seemed to have a hard time finding the right words.

"Luke." I called out.

His words were overwhelming. I have no idea what I'm feeling right now and that's why it's so overwhelming. Nevertheless, I know that I am attracted, fond, like, whatever word you use, to Luke. I like him. And oddly, he reciprocates my feelings.

"I didn't know that I will declare my love... well not really love but—"

"Luke," I interrupted him.

A few seconds of silence passed. Not awkward at all nor eerie. Just a few seconds of silence to collect ourselves.

"I know," I told him, just like Han responded to Leia.

And just like that, we both laughed.

Thank the Angel that he knows Star Wars because he probably won't get the reference.

"So..." he chuckled, "just for clarification, you will still join us to the cabin right?" His smug, confident self was back. Luke's continuation was a little off though, "'cause, I was gonna use those times to make my moves but I guess... this phone call... this phone call—"

"Shh. I know and yes I will be joining." I answered softly.

Before I went to sleep, my last thought was, everything is different now.