The One I Love || Newt-TMR

Chapter 33

Newt's P.O.V.
"Are you sure she's asleep?" Minho asked again, carefully leaning his ear against her door.
"Yes! Now stop doin' that. You look like a buggin' creep." I responded angrily, my head pounding in rhythm with my heartbeat from Gally's drink.
"Okay okay, dude you need to chill out on Gally's drink. Do you even remember the past hour?" He questioned as we walked back into his messy room. I ignored the question after vaguely remember removing my shirt and running around with Rosie. Dirty shirts and pants littered the floor, and his bed remained messed and unmade. Granted my room wasn't the most clean in the Glade, but I at least can see a clear path from the door to the bed.
"So let's talk." Minho huffed as he plonked down on his bed, getting comfortable. I on the other hand leaned against the door casually, with my arms folded across by chest. I nodded shortly, signing to Minho that I was listening.
"You need to ask Rosie out. Tomorrow." Minho ordered, all humour from our past conversation swept away by a scowl.
"Not this klunk again. You let it go for a week, we were all going fine! I thought this was going to be something about the Maze!" I complained  like a little child to their mother.
"Come on dude, you know you wanna. Don't you just wanna be able to hug and kiss her, and call her yours?" Minho questioned, a hint of accusation present.
"Why are we having this conversation?" I stalled, letting my hands fall and rest in my pockets. Honestly I wanted to leave the room; the faint smell of old, sweaty clothes burning my nostrils.
"Because I'm sick of watching you being so awkward. Now answer the question." He ordered firmly.
He'd be a good leader. Better then me.
"Yes, I would. But it's not going to happen." I sighed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"Why is that? Are you scared she'll turn you down?"
"No; well yeah, but that's not what's stopping me." I replied with a yawn, the long day and night catching up on me.
"Then what is it?"
"Rosie shouldn't have to deal with me like that. It's too selfish to put all this on her shoulders, and expect her to be happy on top of it all. I couldn't do that to her." My voice lowered to a hushed tone. Her sweet, high voice echoed through my head.
You need to learn to love yourself before you love others. She told me at her party.
Maybe she's right. I won't be able to love and care for anyone if I can't even do it for myself. But it's so much harder than it seems. How am I supposed to be happy about being stuck in a giant, unsolvable maze haunted with unthinkable beasts? How am I supposed to look at myself and not point out all the flaws in my appearance and personality?
"Newt, that's why you need to ask her out. You can't learn to be happy if there is no one close enough to you to teach you." Minho explained sympathetically.
That's a lot easier said then bloody done. First I gotta let 'em close to me, which I seem to like to not do.
"Yeah." I muttered under my breath.
"So are you gonna do it?"
"I dunno Minho. What do any of us know about that kinda stuff?"
"Exactly! None of, including Rosie, no what we're supposed to do. I'm sure she will just appreciate the effort." Minho explained, his arms folded behind his head, propping it up so that he could see me while he lay down.
"And what, I just ask her out in front of everyone?" I questioned, both uneasy and unsure about the situation I was getting myself into.
"No, of course not! You take her somewhere that's special to the both of you, and make it even more special! Look, I'll help ya out the day after the Greenie comes, yeah? I have my day off then." Minho offered.
"Alright. I'll do it then. How?" I question, already feeling my stomach doing somersaults and twisting into knots just talking about it.
"Where's somewhere that you've shared a special moment, or often go together alone? Wait, I know! How about that meadow I found you two sleeping in together that one time?" Minho suggested.  My mind went back to the wonderful morning with the birds singing melodious songs, and the sound of Rosie's quite huffs of breath peacefully filling the meadow around us.
"Yeah, we often go there together." I admitted, a frown etched into my forehead as I concentrated.
"Okay, good that. Leave the rest up to me. Just be where I tell you to when I tell you to, got it?"
"Got it." I affirmed with a nod.
"Good. Now get outta here shank. I want my beauty sleep." Minho stated, snuggling under his covers. I rolled my eyes, but none the less was still eager to leave to room. As soon as I shut the door behind me, I took a big breath of fresh, cool air that replenished my lungs. It reminded my of the colder mornings running in the Maze, when I took a deep, desperate breath of air; the icy oxygen suffocating the raging fire in my chest. If only it could do the same for my mind.
I lightly walked to my room and pulled my shirt over my head, shucking aside on the dresser, and kicked off my old Runner shoes. I insisted that Alby let me keep them; for the reminder of my mistakes and past.
Maybe if I had climbed just a hit higher, I wouldn't be here anymore. The dark monster in my mind spoke up. I hastily pushed those thoughts away with the rest and sat down on the surprisingly comfortable bed.
It felt like heaven to rest my head on the pillow, and I soon let my heavy eyes fall shut, welcoming me to a dark, peaceful abyss that I longed for all day.