South Park One-Shots

Death of a Bachelor - Kenny McCormick

Kenny x Reader

Requested by: DangoIceCreamSammich

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    “Are you ready to go, Kenny?” Stan questioned as he and the other guys from school waited impatiently outside of Kenny’s bedroom. They had a plan to spend the day walking around town, remembering everything wild that had happened to them when they were in fourth grade. The boys were seniors now, and it was their last trip down memory lane before graduation and leaving to fulfill their own lives caught up to them.

    “I’m coming!” Kenny exclaimed, walking out of his room in a casual, black button up shirt and jeans. He had ditched the parka a long time ago, and now wore a leather jacket whenever it got cold outside. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it up and puffing on it before smiling at the guys. “Where are we going?”

    Stan smiled, “I figured that we would start with Main Street, looking at the shops and then branching outward.”

    With a huff of annoyance for having to wait so long, Cartman nodded. “Yeah, and then, later on, we’re meeting our dates at Whistlin’ Willy’s for a ‘nice’ dinner.”

    “What? But... I don’t have a date.” Kenny spoke, a little upset that he’d be singled out as the single friend.

    “We know, Kenny! That’s why we chose tonight to go! The girls are going to bring a few of their single friends, too!” Kyle informed him, leading the group out of Kenny’s house and down the street towards city life.

    Today was supposed to be a good day... Kenny had to chant this like a mantra as he thought about the making out couples that would cuddle in booths later on tonight. No girl in town liked him; they all remembered his epic perversions from when they were younger and never got over it. Even when he had informed them that he had actually changed, they were adamant in their beliefs that he’d slip his hand up their skirt when they looked away.

    He just continued to smoke, trying to ignore the dull ache in his chest by pulling out a flask and sipping at the bitter drink. By the end of this night, if he was lucky, he wouldn’t be sober.

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    It was almost midnight, and Kenny McCormick – despite his efforts – was still sober.

    Kyle had found him drinking behind the tree at Stark’s Pond and took away his flask, dumping the liquid onto the ground before pocketing the tin in his orange jacket. “You need to try and have fun, dude.” The redhead had scolded him, a motherly look on his face.

    “Fine, I’ll try.”

    How much fun was he supposed to have, Kyle, when you’re over there making out with Cartman and he’s stuck watching the single girls shun him because Bebe told them about his younger personality? What a bitch she was.

    That’s when Whistlin’ Willy brought out the karaoke machine.

    It was an old item, but everyone remembered it, and everyone was buzzing with excitement. The western mascot scanned the crowd for a first victim and, because fate was completely against the blond at the moment, he spotted Kenny’s moping form.

    “Ooh, you there! The blond, in the black shirt! You’re first!”

    Kenny froze, trying to refuse but was shoved by Stan towards the stage. He saw everyone watch him with interest; none had ever heard him sing since his balls dropped. Hell, not even Karen, who was sitting at a table with her friends, had heard his voice in a medley after he hit puberty.