South Park One-Shots

100 Prompts - 4. Stan Marsh

Prompt:  "I'm too sober for this." 

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When reality became too much for adults, they drank. They slurped away millions of dollars worth of wine and liquor and draft beers, complaining on how horrible their lives were whilst jovially singing along to songs they had known as teenagers and wrapping an arm around the person on the bar stool next them, who they had only met three minutes before. 

However, for teenagers, when reality wasn't enough, they drank. They chugged beer, they mixed any alcohol they could get their hands on, and they laughed at how, suddenly, everything had become very funny to them. They partied harder as they drank more, and when they were sober, they were itching for their next fix of the mind-numbing liquid. 

That's why, every Saturday night, someone in South Park is hosting a party. Sometimes it's Token, sometimes it's Bebe, but it's always got booze. What kind of a party would it be without the alcohol, eh?

This Saturday, it was Kenny's turn to host the party. His were probably the craziest, because he had alcohol, drugs, and hot people that he invited from North, East, and West Park. He greeted everyone who walked in the door with a jello-shot and an ecstasy pill, telling them to enjoy themselves and come to him if they had any problems. 

Y/n had nodded when she received hers, only taking the alcohol before handing the E pill off to someone else who looked like they wanted it a lot more. "Thanks, Ken-doll." She told her cousin, who gave her a wink before turning back to his guests filtering through the door. 

She meandered through the party for a while, feeling much less... affected than the majority of her friends, who were all hanging on people of their liking, trying to somehow make their slurred words into a flirtatious remark that would reward them in full with a trip on the sexually deviant train. 

Y/n snickered at her own joke, causing someone to cough. 

"You know, when people laugh at nothing, it's usually because they're crazy." 

Stan Marsh looked like the picture-perfect, sober boy, his hat a little lopsided but his eyes focused. He raised a black eyebrow at Y/n, who flushed under his gaze. "I..well..." 

"I'm kidding, Y/n. I know you're just a little tipsy, that's not a mental charge." He lit a cigarette, puffing on it for a moment before she watched his face go sour. "You wanna hand me that beer behind you? I'm too sober for this." 

Y/n wanted to ask him what he meant, but he gestured forward, where his ex was all over two guys, kissing and grinding on them both. Wendy usually had more self control than that, so it was quite interesting to watch her shove her tongue down Clyde's throat while her ass bounced on Kevin's lap... perfectly in Stan's vision. Fuck, her eyes even darted over to him every so often. 

Y/n stood between the two of them, blocking Stan from seeing Wendy and giving the black haired girl a nice look at her skinny-jean clad ass. "Hey, don't pay any attention to her. She's just doing it to get a rise out of you." As Y/n noticed how dark Stan's eyes got, her legs began to quiver and her inebriated body encouraged her to lurch forward, wrapping her arms around him. "And... anyway... the only rise I wanna see is in your pants~" She purred, stunning both Stan and herself with her lewd words. 

Stan laughed and placed his hands on her hips, rubbing at them before grinding her against himself. "Oh yeah? Well, I'm sure you'll do just that..." he kissed her jawline before leading her into Kenny's spare bedroom, where they did things that the entire house could hear.