Friends.

Chapter 30

"You look so sick, you really should go home." Ally stands in the doorway of my office, pursing her lips and shaking her head at me. 

"I'm fine, I'm just a little tired, seriously I can't go home, look at all this stuff I have to do." I gesture to the mountains of files on my desk. 

"You're so stubborn, look at you! You're so pale, you look like you're just going to fall over any second." She has been harping on all morning that I don't look well, which is really starting to get offensive considering I feel fine. Apart from the head ache, and the slight queasiness, and the complete body exhaustion. But I refuse to let myself get sick, I am fine.

"Just go home." She commands after I don't say anything for a while. She crosses the room to my desk and starts to sort through the piles of files on my desk. "This can wait, this can wait, maybe take this home and have a look at it, this can wait...all of this can wait, I'll track your emails and let you know if there's anything vitally important for you to do. But I really think you'll be better off if you just go home and get better. Better still, go to the Doctor and nip this in the bud before you get too sick." She is so bossy, but I do appreciate her concern. 

"Fine! I'll go home but I'm not going to the doctor, I'm not even sick," I huff, I don't really feel like being here anyway. My mind is in complete shambles at the moment over so many things and it would be nice to just sit down and sort it out. I stand up, smoothing down my black skirt and grab my handbag. "Make sure you email me if anything comes up, and I"ll come back in." I instruct her, nothing annoys me more than missing work because of being sick. If I'm going to miss work I generally want it to be for a fun reason.

"Just go!" Ally pesters as I walk past her desk, trying to think of something else I need to do before I go. 

"I'm going! Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." I tell her.

"Don't you dare come back before you're better!"

"I'll be back tomorrow." I say with conviction, I'm not even sick. 

When I lay down on the couch at home, a pile of blankets covering me, making me feel slightly like a catarpillar in a cocoon, I actually do realise that I feel quite sick. I'm so tired that everything is an effort, reaching for the remote, pulling the blankets up, checking my phone, my arms are so limp its making everything so difficult. 

I must fall asleep whilst some cheesy romcom plays on the tv without my attention, because when I wake up alll I see is a mop of brown hair hovering above me.  My eyes blink rapidly as the realisation hits me that it's Harry. My stomach sinks, I can't do this, I can't go through yesterday all over again. 

"Why were you sleeping?" He asks, a concerned look on his face. "And why aren't you at work?" He look at the watch on his wrist. 

"What are you doing here?" I ask, sitting up slowly and rubbing my eyes awake. Frustration is taking over me, why is he here again? I need to get that blasted spare key off him, but even if I did he'd probably just charm the concierge and get them to let him up. 

"You didn't answer my question." He says with a sad smile.

"I'm sick." I say, my tone grasping an air of irritation. 

"You don't look well."

"Thanks." I say sarcastically. "You can go now." I look up at him standing in front of me. 

"I'm not going anywhere. I told you this wasn't over and I'm going to persist till you see it too. I meant what I said the other night, all I need is you." His tone is more desperate today than it was yesterday. I hope this isn't going to become a regular occurance, knowing myself, my strength will only last so many days before I give in to him. I just can't let that happen. 

"That doesn't matter, that whole night was a lie. Please Harry, I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, I definitely don't want to be with you. I just can't do this." I bury my head in my hands and shake my head before dragging my fingers through my hair as I look back up at him. As I sigh, I release my lips from between my teeth where it has been held captive. 

"Come on, you can only resist for so long Char, I wish you could see how much I care about you, then you wouldn't have any doubts about us. I can't stop thinking about you, you're the only thing on my mind. I keep fucking up at rehearsals, forgetting my lines or just freezing up completely. I can't focus, don't you see what you're doing to me? We don't have much time. I go on tour again soon, really really soon, and I need you. I need to know you're here waiting for me when I come back, I need you to be mine." He strains, kneeling down and placing his hands on my knees. His voice is so desperate, so vulnerable and I can tell how badly he wants this. But I can't let his emotions sway my own, I don't want him anymore. I can't, he's hurt me too many times and if I let him in again I'm basically opening myself up to that again.

"I wanted to be yours, for so long Harry but not anymore. Just give up now, you're only making this worse by coming here and doing this." I say sympathetically, 

 "You were so convinced though, you were so convinced that we belonged together. You said you'd do anything to be mine, what happened to that?" He strains, his fingers digging into my skin and I flinch at his contact. 

"You happened, you lied to me and you ruined my faith in you. I can never trust you again Harry, you've fucked me over one too many times and I'm sorry but I'm not letting it happen anymore, I have to be strong, for myself. This weak, snivelling, running after you version of myself that I have been for the past few weeks is just not a person I like and if you bring that out in me than I can't see how we could possibly be together! Seriously, give up. There's nothing that you can ever do to change my mind!" I have raised my voice, my frustration with this whole messy situation is overtaking me once again as I stand up from the couch, his hands falling from my knees as I walk away from him and he stumbles to his feet. He has hurt me too many times before, he doesn't get to come back here and beg for me. I know it's supposed to make me change my mind but at this point nothing will. Why would I want to be with someone who treats me the way he's treated me? I've always wanted him more than he wanted me, and I lost any control I had over the situation. I made myself vulnerable and it was all too easy for him to completely crush me, and what I said to him was right, we will never be together and I will never trust him again. 

"Please leave Harry, give up on us. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this!" I tell him as I walk to the lift and press the button for him, angrily slamming my finger into it.

"I'm not giving up. You will come around, I know you will." He says with such confidence that if I was a weaker person, I would believe him. The thick tension between us is all consuming once again and I feel it draining the energy out of me, I need to lie down.

"I saw this...and I thought you'd like it." He digs into his jean pocket and hands me  a small navy box with the HW logo on it. I open it hesitantly as he steps into the lift. The size of the box terrifies me...it's the perfect size for an engagement ring, my heart is in my stomach as I open it. If this is a proposal I will kill him because I definitely deserve a bigger gesture than 'I thought you'd like it.' 

I breathe out a deep sigh of relief when I see its just earrings, thank god. That was terrifying, my hands were shaking in suspense at the thought of Harry proposing to me. The earrings are gorgeous, a cluster of diamonds in the shape of a sunflower, but he can't buy my forgiveness and I maintain a straight face as I look at him. Damn my weakness for anything Harry Winston. No! Lola you have to be strong. Don't let him do this. 

"I don't want this! You can't buy me!" I yell and throw the small box to him just as the lift doors close. I'm so insulted, the notion that he could give me a pair of earrings and I would just forgive him? Its infuriating, and I hate him more than ever. My head feels woozy, my body limper than ever...I'm going to be sick. 

@CharJones: and I can think of a thousand reasons why...I don't believe in you, I don't believe in you and I...

A/N: sorry for the really short chapter! i'm going to put a picture of the earrings Harry bought Lola next to this chapter :) they are literally gorgeous and if I was Lola i would've kept them anyway ;) Please vote and comment! I will possibly be updating again later if this chapter gets enough votes to make me want to ;)