Friends.

Chapter 33

When I wake up on Saturday morning, the air feelings lighter, the sun is shining through my curtains and I can hear birds chirping out on the terrace. A content smile spreads across my face as I stretch out my well-rested body and roll over to sit up. 

Today's the day. I can feel it, something good is going to happen today. I think there's an equal give and take in this universe, and this week has been mentally and physically challenging for me, so it's about time the tides change and things look up for me. 

I jump in the shower straight away, not wanting to waste a second of today, optimism is pulsing through me and I want to strike while the iron is hot. 

The hot water stings the graze on my arm that is slowly healing from when the glass cut it last weekend. It's the most blatant form of symbolism I've ever experienced...as it heals so do I. I know I should be more heartbroken over yesterday, it was exhausting seeing Harry like that and I've never wanted to comfort someone more. But resisting has only made me stronger and I feel quite unbeatable today. 

I check my phone as I run a towel through my hair to dry the excess water, sitting down on my bed in my bath robe with my legs crossed. I have a few texts from Linda checking in and I message her back with a brief rundown of what's happened since I saw her on Thursday. I also have a text from Mum saying she's looking forward to seeing me tomorrow at Grandads for lunch. That's exactly what I need to tip my good mood over the edge to completely ecstatic, I haven't seen my Mum since that first heartbreaking weekend, and I really miss her. Especially now that I'm in a better place and will be better company. The anticipation of finding out what Grandad has to talk to me about is slowly niggling at my mind, but I'll find out soon enough so I try not to get too excited about it. 

I slide my finger down the screen and click on the thread of messages between Louis and I. The last few are painful reminders of how royally I fucked it up and the fact he never replied only reinforces how he feels about the whole matter. I have to try harder, I wholeheartedly have convinced myself that he is what will make me happy, he already does and we're not even together. Just the thought of him sends spirals of giddiness through me and a grin across my face. I need to fix this. And I will, today is the day. Its been just over two weeks since the last time I tried to contact him, and looking back now, Linda and Brad are right, I did not try hard enough. 

I construct a couple of messages..but deem none of them worthy enough to send.

'I really want to see you. Can we talk?', or maybe just 'I really miss you.', or 'I want to explain what happened, I know its been a while, but I really want to see you.' 

Uhhh. None of it is good enough, I've started pacing my bed room in frustration and my finger constantly hovers above his name, contemplating whether to call or not. 

I'd go over there, Brad's words fill my mind as I spin around, trapped in my web of confusion. Maybe I should, I think it's my best bet...It's a Saturday, I wonder if he's at rehearsals or at home? Or worse, at some other girl's house. What if he's back with Eleanor? My heart sinks at the thought, God I hope not. He wouldn't take her back, he just wouldn't. I was all ready to go over there last night until Harry interrupted, I just need to do that, that's the only way I can fix this. And now that Harry is hopefully finally letting me go, I'm ready. 

With a sudden spur of confidence racing through my veins, I quickly do my make up and curl my hair, securing a black ribbon around my long brown waves. I throw on a black and white check dress with a white pilgrim collar, it finishes mid thigh and looks absolutely adorable with lace stockings and black ankle boots. 

This is it, I'm actually doing it. I'm going to Louis'. 

I've never been more nervous as I drive through the streets of suburban London and finally pull up outside his house. One of his cars is in the driveway, which is hopefully a sign that he's home but who knows.