Friends.

Chapter 77

The weather was starting to warm, and it wasn’t reflective of my current mood at all. I didn’t feel sunny or bright, I felt cold and wind-blown. That feeling of constantly battling against the wind, trying to breathe and holding your dress in place as it flies up, feeling like it’s hard to breathe when a harsh air is beating against you, and it doesn’t end till you’re undercover, away from it. That’s how I feel, but there is no cover, I’m constantly battling against this wind in my mind.

I drum my fingers against my fingers as I sit on a park bench, staring at my phone in my hand as it lights up, flashing about an incoming call from Linda. To answer or not…I glance away from the screen for a second, sighing as I gaze around the Central Park. I’m one of thousands dressed in corporate clothing, and most likely on their lunch break. My credit card is getting rather sick of working out, having to buy enough clothes to compensate for everything that’s still in my suitcase at Gemma’s, presumably. I’m not really on my lunch break, I had a few interviews this morning to hire an Associate, and I had to get out of that office after douche-overload. Cocky, self-righteous lawyers who think they’re too good.

When I look back down at my phone, the call has gone to voicemail, at the same time a new message flashing up on the screen.

Linda; You can pretend all you want that you don’t need anyone, that you can get through all of this alone and be happy that way, but I know you, and soon enough you’re going to crack. So please Lol, just answer my call.

I huff, a frown overtaking my pursed lips. I’d spent the past few weeks before I left for New York, well inevitable Australia, thinking that she was my best friend. But I feel like I should feel even the slightest bit guilty about not talking to her, but I don’t. Talking to her will mean digging up things that I really don’t want to think about, and it will be yet another reminder of life in London, which I don’t need any more of.

Another call come through from her and I sigh, guilt taking over in the form of my subconscious telling me you can’t just cut people out of your life, it’s not Linda’s fault you’re so messed up.

I swipe my finger across, and hold the phone up to my ear without speaking.

“About bloody time!” She bellows and I cringe, holding the phone away from my ear a few inches.

“Sorry.” I mumble.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”
“I’m gonna ask you that again, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, seriously Linda. It’s not like I didn’t see this coming.” I huff, already exhausted by this unnecessary conversation.

“Lola, you’re not fine.” She pushes and I resist the urge to hang up.

“I am. I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t know what you’ve heard but lets just leave it at that.”

“If that’s really what you want, fine. I  won’t talk about it, but I am here if you want to talk. That’s what friends do, or have you forgotten how to be friends with someone, because last time I checked it doesn’t involve not talking to someone when they’re trying to help you.” She snarls and I groan.

“Really, you’re going to do this now? I do not care. At all. You know I value your friendship, but this is just one thing I don’t want to talk about. It happened, but that’s just the thing, ‘happened’, past tense. I don’t feel the need to obsess over it every second of every day, and I sure as hell don’t feel the need to rehash every detail of how I was so happy one minute only to have it ripped away from me, AGAIN. So Linda, forgive me if I don’t want your help. I will be fine, I am fine, and I would much rather talk about your life, because I guarantee you it’s a fuckload better than mine right now.”
“Firstly, you’re an idiot. Secondly, I wasn’t talking about me, I know you won’t fully cut me out of your life. I’m talking about Gemma. She doesn’t deserve to be ignored just because her brother broke your heart.”