Picture This (Niall Horan Trilogy)

-How to brave the water [Chapter 37]

Ashley's POV:

I pulled my bikini bottoms up higher in hope to cover the now kind of faded but still visible scars on my lower stomach. No such luck. If I pulled them up enough to cover the scars then they wouldn’t fit normally. This is a lose/lose situation.

“Ash? Are you okay? You’ve been in there for ages”

The Irish accent I loved so much asked along with a knock on the door. I looked to the closed door then back to the mirror.

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute”

I replied as re-assuringlly as possible.

“Alright”

He replied and I heard him walk away again. I sighed tying up the strings of my bikini and pulling my top on and then my shorts, the scars were no longer visible now covered by clothing but they would be as soon as I took either piece of clothing off. I leaned closer to the mirror as I re-applied a natural lipstick and put it into my pocket.

Niall looked up at me he was led on the bed on his phone he had been ready about half an hour ago, oops.

“You’re wearing it then?”

He asked smiling as he slid his phone into his pocket walking over to me sliding his arms around my waist. It was weird how this was such a big thing for me, for us. You saw so many other couples in New York, girls in their bikinis with their boyfriends on the beach sunbathing or whatever and being just normal but it was strange how we had got used to it being so not normal. It was bad that things had got to be like this but the reality was this was how it was now but I was ready for change.

“Yeah, I guess…you can still see my scars though”

He sighed.

“Ashley, when are you gonna realise that nobody cares that you have scars? A lot of people do, you’re only human, you don’t have to be perfect, you know”

But this had become an obsession of mine lately that I did have to be perfect. In my mind, I do have to be perfect. It was something that nobody else can understand; when I have got everything so wrong the only solution seemed to be to make everything else I did from now on perfect, including myself.

“But I do though, don’t I?”

His eyes widened as he heard this and a confused look spread across his face, he doesn’t understand, nobody does.

“What makes you think that?”

I exhaled looking to the ground then back to him.

“It’s not just the way I look; it’s everything Niall, I just like things to be perfect, it’s stupid just forget about it, it’s nothing…”

So many adjectives but so little sense. Nobody will ever understand my obsession with being perfect, I don’t even fully understand it, things are complicated when you get inside of my head and half the time I can’t even figure out myself. Once I start to dislike something about my life/myself it becomes an ever growing obsession that slowly takes over every aspect of life, it’s not healthy and I’m not proud of it but it’s come too far to cure.

“It’s not nothing though is it? It’s not stupid either. You need to stop worrying so much and just accept that there will never be a time where every single aspect is going to be perfect and you know what’s beautiful to me? Imperfection, so come on let’s go to the beach and you can show everyone that you’re not ashamed because guess what Ash? You’re beautiful”

I wasn’t going to argue with that. Maybe he was right, I shouldn’t be ashamed of a few scars, they’re not that bad I suppose. Some people have it far worse off than me so maybe I am being selfish. I need to learn to embrace what I do have and stop focusing on the negatives of everything, this isn’t going to be easy, but I’m getting somewhere, maybe.