Picture This (Niall Horan Trilogy)

-Un-productive preperation and greetings [Chapter 79]

Ashley’s POV:

The day before I start work and I’m sure I don’t have to mention that I’m absolutely shitting it. I’ve spent the last few days gruelling over what outfit to wear, and what’s even worse is I have to find four different outfits because I’m starting mid-week. Do you know how awkward that is?

I’m actually quite glad that the hours are long and I do 6 days a week. I mean that gives me less time to be reminded of Niall and how lonely I am here and without him or any of the boys. I’d fallen back into routine. Killing old habits is harder I thought. I guess the saying old habits die hard is really necessary here. A bit like my relationship with Niall is at a die hard. I don’t think on my half at least, it will ever die a death. I mean I just can’t bring myself to fully let go and however hard I try I can’t fall out of love with him. He’s got the captivating thing about him that just makes me weak at the knees and every time I think I’m getting better everything I love about him just comes flooding back and before I know it I’m drowning myself in my own tears. I need to stop this. Crying myself to sleep every night. It’s not doing a lot for my appearance either and I mean, without Niall I’m feeling the emptiest I’ve ever felt. Even though I was young I felt pretty empty and lonely when my Auntie died but not like this. This was different and I feel a bitch to admit it but it’s probably worse. I can’t express how much I hate myself for admitting that but it’s true. I feel like such a bitch. I am a bitch, I was a bitch to Niall and now I’m being a bitch about my auntie. I guess I have inherited something from my Mother.

Things are getting sceptical on twitter now. People are questioning more and more why we haven’t tweeted each other in almost two weeks and the fact that we haven’t been seen out together in ages either. Who’s going to spill the beans first then? Won’t be me. Niall has more people to tell than me, in a way this is kind of up to him more than me. Besides, I don’t know how you’re meant to handle these things, I mean like do you tell the truth? Do you edit the truth? Or do you simply tell a whole different story? I have no clue. I’m leaving the media up to Niall, even though we haven’t spoke of it, or spoken at all. I’ve had my fair share of the media and he knows I don’t know what to do I just hope he knows I don’t want our whole relationship exposed into the lime light. He wouldn’t do that, he knows I’d hate that. But then, maybe he would because I’d hate it? As revenge, oh my god. Why did I have to be such a bitch and land myself in this all? Why did I have to fall in love with this amazing boy and why did he have to give me the most amazing eight months of my life? Things would be so much simpler if we’d never met, never fell in love and never did all those many things we did. But somehow, even through all the stress this relationship has caused me and is still causing me now I don’t regret it and I want it back.

Sighing I pursed my lip glossed lips as I examined my reflection staring back at me. What was strange was how when I looked at myself in the mirror it wasn’t like I was looking at me anymore. In the past few weeks I have gotten smaller, skinnier, to be exact, but not a lot and I can’t say it bothers me. In fact maybe it cheers me up a bit. Assures me that while other things are going so down-hill other things are progressing, little by little. I’ve had various tweets from the boys and Niall is still warding off haters against me, he’s reluctant to let go, but then again, so am I. Leaning closer into the mirror I pulled my blazer tighter around my body rubbed my lips together. This will have to do.

I was going into town today, shopping, again. I’m yet to find something wear for tomorrow and I’m also going to go and pick up a new sim for my phone so it works better in New York. The slightly edgy thing about getting a new sim is that the boys aren’t gonna have my new number and neither’s Niall but I mean, if he wanted it, he’d ask for it and I’d give it to him. I can’t break up with him with harsh words and then a few week later be like Oh by the way I got a new number here it is, no I can’t do that. That’s just plain rude.