Picture This (Niall Horan Trilogy)

-Cry me a river, maybe you can drown your broken heart [Chapter 74]

Ashley's POV:

Sweeping my foundation brush over my cheeks for the final few times I bit my perfectly painted pink lips in the mirror chewing on my lower one nervously. I would see Niall tonight for the first time since they left two and a half weeks ago. These past two weeks had been a mess of tears, acting in front of Niall, arguments with my parents and meet up’s with Mallory.

Not to mention the internet history I racked up of goggling where I would be in two weeks’ time. I wasn’t going to deny that this place seemed pretty nice, I mean the pictures of my apartment, holy crap, and that’s just the outside. E-mails had been exchanged between the company and my Mother proving that all of this was really real. She knew how many hours I spent in my room crying my eyes out and then pushing away all the fear and hurt to talk to Niall for a few hours.

He was getting suspicious that something was up but every time he asked I would just brush it off telling him I was just tired and bored and that I missed him. I didn’t like lying, neither did I like holding back the truth but even though I was doing it to keep him from getting hurt I was going to hurt him anyway. I couldn’t just pack up and leave without uttering a word of my departure because that’d be giving off the impression that I don’t even care enough to let him know, I do. I just don’t want to because it’d make it all seem so much more real and it’s gonna hurt him, I know it is. I want him to understand so he doesn’t wind up hating me but then I realise that if I was Niall, I would hate me too for what I have to do. He doesn’t understand mine and my mother’s relationship since I never fail to see how it always seems to be concealed of its troubles whenever Niall’s around. I didn’t know why that was. Maybe she was scared, scared that if he saw/found out just how much she treats me like dirt sometimes he’ll want to get me out of that, protect me and remove me from the situation, making me leave her. Maybe she feels that if she hurts me first, I can’t hurt her back. What if I’m taking a leaf out of her book with me and Niall? I mean if I hurt him first then he can’t hurt me. I know he wouldn’t purposely set out to hurt me but I mean I know he could do better than me and maybe I’m scared that one day he’s going to realise that.

I tried so many times to show my mother how much Niall and staying here in London means to me but she’s not having it. Shooting me back with the same cold, harsh insults like it’s nothing to her. Maybe it’s not, maybe I’m nothing to her. I’m merely a project, not a daughter, a project. Always have been, always will. Building me up with gifts and sweet talk was just part of the plan, she wanted me gone, but she wanted me to be gone and big. She knew I was talented and she didn’t take that for-granted, squeezing out every inch of talent I had this job offer was the perfect conclusion for her. It’s Niall and me falling in love that’s thrown a spanner in her works because now I’ve come to realise that all this, her striving to get me to be perfect. It’s been going on for years, but she’s been running her project so smoothly and contently without me knowing it’s been barely noticeable. Now that I’ve fallen in love with Niall and he’s fallen in love with me and we’re happy and perfect etc. it’s starting to show, a bump in the road brings it all out, including her true colours.

There’s something special yet pressurising about greeting people again after an extended period of time away from each other. For me, I didn’t know whether it was my usual in-secure instincts setting in or the pure fear that there wasn’t a lot of time left, but I wanted tonight to go perfectly. I didn’t know when I was planning on telling Niall but it wasn’t tonight. He’d been raving about tonight for ages, me going clubbing and drinking with them. Drinking with the boys is great, eventful and risky, but great. Although after the little Hawaii incident Niall’s apprehensive about letting me drink tonight. He cares and I appreciate that but just because I got my drink spiked once it doesn’t mean every sip of alcohol I take is. I mean it could have happened to anyone, right? I’m sure it’s just a onetime thing.