Only Hope

Chapter 23

~Cameron's POV~

As the week went by we spent most of our time on the beach. Ryan's bikinis always made her body look ten times better. I notice some scars on her hips that looked like cut marks. I have been to afraid to ask her about them but today was the day.

"Ryan?" I grabbed her hand and swung her around infront of me so I could see her face.

"Yes?" she said stepping closer.

"Are those cut marks?" I saw her expression change from happiness to sadness. I hated seeing her this way but I needed to know what the marks are from.

"Yes." she let go over my hand and started to walk forward.

"Ryan, stop." she turned and looked at me with tears streaming down her face. "shh why are you crying?" I wiped a tear away with my thumb.

"Because nobody is suposed to see those. Those are my scars they mean something to me. They remind me of what has happened and is going to happen." she pulled away.

"What is going to happen? You don't know what is going to happen."

"Ha Cameron I know what is going to happen. Everthing ends up the same for me." she was walking back and forth on the sand. "See let's start with my dad, he is going to die of liver failer due to all of his drinking. That cut is for him." She pointed at a mark on her hip. "My mom died! There is four for her. By ex-boyfriend cheated on me with my bestfriend from birth. There are three for them. You are going to get over me like any other guy." I was crying now from all the pain that she has felt. "See this one that I keep reopening? That one will heal when you stop loving me and don't say that will never happen because it will." She was crying histarically now. I just stood there not saying anything. Before I knew it she was running to the house.

~Ryan's POV~

I ran into the house and went upstairs to the bedroom. I was crying and I couldn't stop. I pulled on my hair frustrated with myself that I would do such a thing. I saw the look on his face when I told him everything. He thought that my life was all happy and free. It's not. Once you start pretending you get good at hiding what you really feel. You put on a smile and move on, but it is always inside of you burning a hole big enough to kill you.

You start cutting because you want to know if you are alive. You want to know if you can feel anything because you are so used to sadness... feeling something other than that shows that you are living human being and not some robot that is programed to always feel the same way all the time. When you resort to cutting it is like your life is always on replay. When something bad happens it's like you see it from someone elses point of view.

Cutting is something that doesn't heal completely. It will always be there to remind you...

A/N: Sorry for the really depressing part but everything that I have said is something that is true... I know what it is like to get so deep that it is hard to crawl back out and be ok again. I am doing better now but somedays are bad... but heres another chapter and hope you are enjoying the story.