Say You Won't Let Go

A Realization

I'm curled up under a blanket on the floor, squeezing my phone tightly with my fingers wrapped around it. A wave of anger floods through my body followed by a mist of sorrow.

"Lauren..." I groan, shaking my phone.

I've sent this girl a million text messages but she won't answer me. I just want to talk to her. We need to talk this through.

My phone: Lauren. Please just respond to me. We need to talk.

I send the message, tossing my phone on the couch. It's useless if she isn't replying because Lord knows I need her. I bury myself under the blanket, hiding all my body parts.

She's so frustrating. One day, we are talking like everything is fine and we are actually friends and the next, she isn't speaking to me at all.

I sigh into the materiel of the blanket. Seattle wasn't this complicated. My chest feels strangely hollow. I just want to be the reason for Lauren's smile again.

"Five minutes until dinner!" Alejandro calls from inside the kitchen, catching my attention.

"Okay!" I shout back, shutting my eyes tightly.

I want the images of Lauren's bruised face and broken eyes out of my head. I want the sound of her words out of my ears. She seems to be in blood and in my veins; all up in my head. She is all of my thoughts. I want her out of me.

But, I'm addicted.

Her eyes on mine make me feel important, no matter what she says. She could be ripping the skin off my bones and I would just give it back to her and tell her to keep warm. It's cold outside.

My phone dings, making my heart race. I unravel myself from the blanket, crawling over to the couch to grab my phone.

Right now: Emerald Eyes: There is nothing to talk about.

There is always something to talk about, especially right now. My thumbs hesitate over the keypad on my phone, trembling slightly. I eventually type out a reply.

My phone: don't lie to yourself.

"Dinner!" Alejandro yells from the kitchen, the sound of dishes clicking down following his words.

I drop my phone back on the couch, hurrying into the kitchen. God forbid, I be late for dinner. Sitting down in my chair, I stare down at my spaghetti.

"Mija," Alejandro hums, smiling at me. He sits down in front of me. "How was your day?"

Images of Lauren's bruised face recollect in my mind, being suffocated by her anonymous words. The way she looked at me today; the way I shed a tear for her. How her very existence has been weaved into my bloodstream.

Pictures of Lauren falling to the ground with her pain, her walls coming down with her. How her knuckles were a nasty shade of self-doubt. Austin's words beating down in her brain, devouring her confidence and twisting her actions.

How Austin held me with rage and his own ugly pain and how Lauren just walked away from us. How I gazed at her with all my life. The way Lauren acted like I was invisible, when I know she sees me. She sees right through me, eyeing at my heart and soul.

Every single glance shared between us, each shattering to the ground before it could reach the other. All the floating tension keeping us apart, like a cage. Lauren's words in the bathroom and the way she said them. The way they entangled themselves into my brain, making their way into my skull and eventually my air.

"Fine." I finally answer, smiling a fake smile. How can one smile truthfully when so much just crossed their mind so quickly? "Yours?"

"Pretty good. The office wasn't that busy today so I could actually relax." Alejandro laughs softly, forking up some of his dinner.