Say You Won't Let Go

Words On The Lockers

My feet feel heavy as I walk to school this morning. I hate this feeling. It's like I'm falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it. It's like my whole aura is drooping and dragging me down.

Clouds swirl around the sky, reminding me of how much the weather has declined. Only some blue peeks through the covering.

My school comes into view, too quickly for my liking, and I can already see the groups of teenagers huddled around the building. The incoherent yells and voices of the overly dramatic kids fill my ears.

It's all the same.

Everyday, their voices pound against my skull. And the ones who don't talk; their silent cries pierce my ears.

I look for the people whose words are woven with wisdom and not ambition. Whose voices are soft like cotton and sweet like candy. Whose faces are joyful and bright when they smile at me.

Finally, I spot them.

Dinah, Normani, and Lauren stand in a tight circle. Ally isn't with them but she normally gets to school right at the bell so that isn't new. Lauren doesn't seem to be talking, but when she does, her eyes shimmer with something that reminds me of hope.

I run over, dodging bodies that move jerkily. I bump into their circle, wrapping my arms around Dinah and Normani's shoulders.

"Hey!" I beam, trying to shake myself out of my mood. If I pretend to be happy, maybe it will work.

Before anyone can say anything, Normani rams her shoulder into my waist and lifts me over her shoulder. My face dangles near the small of her back and she holds onto my legs.

"Mani!" I shriek, flailing my arms around before crossing them while I'm upside down. Normani walks us a few paces from Dinah and Lauren who are now staring at us.

Looking at Lauren, it seems like she is smiling but I know she is frowning because I'm upside down and she isn't. Her upside down frown also doesn't give me the same spark of emotion her smile would.

Normani returns me to my feet, grabbing onto my shoulders to steady me out. I sway a bit on my feet but she meets my eyes fiercely.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my features completely contorted into confusion.

"I just wanted to tell you that your secret is completely safe with me. I thought it over last night and I just wanted to tell you that—"

"Yo, guys?" Dinah hollers over to us, cupping her hands around her mouth to make her voice louder. Not completely necessary, if you ask me.

"Yeah?" Normani replies hesitantly, pursing her lips together.

"Whatcha doing?" Dinah asks, her words rolling off her tongue loosely. I cast them a sheepish smile, which makes Lauren drop her gaze.

"Uh," Normani coughs. "Bonding." She picks me back up, ignoring my scream when she lifts me off the ground, and carries me back over to Dinah and Lauren.

"Yep." I reply as Normani sets me back on my feet and I proceed to brush myself off. "My legs hurt today so I asked Normani to carry me around today."

Dinah unexpectedly shoves my shoulder, throwing me backwards. I flail my arms, moving my legs back to catch my balance. Surprisedly, I stay on my feet.

"Your legs are fine." Dinah laughs, pulling me into a tight apology hug. I just giggle, not trusting my words. It's not that I'm angry; I'm just out of whack today. Who knows what the mood of my words would be.

"You just pushed my baby!" Normani cries, snatching me away from Dinah. I feel a sincere smile spread across my face, as this behavior reminds me of the first day of school. Before Lauren.