Say You Won't Let Go

The Fatal Answer

School was a blur. I don't really remember anything important. All I can remember is walking into english and not seeing Lauren in her seat again. The rest is literal fuzz.

I can recall just staring down blankly at the table at lunch and barely doing half my reflection sheet in science. I sat out during gym and just angrily sharpened my pencils in art class.

Now, I'm slumped over so my forehead is on my forearms and I'm face down on the desk. I can feel my pencil loosely in my grip, most of it running along the surface of the desk.

"Camila?" Normani asks softly from above me, her hand running soft circles in my back. "Are you okay?"

"Tired." I mumble, exhaling slowly.

"Why?" Normani inquires, casting her concerned gaze over at me. I hate being the center of attention; especially when the attention is worrisome.

"Remember? I was at Dinah's last night and we watched a movie so we were up late." I partially lie, trying to convince Normani to just let it all go.

"Oh." Normani sighs in relief. "That makes sense. I was thinking it was Lauren or—"

"No." I snap but my voice sounds weak suddenly.

The bell then rings, signaling that the school day is over.

While we are pulling on our backpacks, Normani looks over to me. "Hey, is it okay if I steal Dinah? I want to get pizza with her tonight. She can just stay with me for dance practice and such."

"Yeah, it's all good in the hood." I give her an over-exaggerated smile, jutting my thumbs up and everything. This fits perfectly with my plans.

I don't want to make her suspicious, well, anymore than she already is, so I walk out with her, ignoring the pain in my heart when we pass the gym doors.

It's whatever.

We hug before departing, Dinah joining us for the last few minutes so they can head to the dance room. I've actually never been to one of Normani's practices; I'll have to go sometime.

But, not right now.

I enter the chilly air, pulling my sweatshirt closer to my body. It is nearing December so I suspect it will get colder but what do I know?

It's pouring down rain and dark gray clouds cover the sky, swirling around in a possessive way; keeping the light at bay and hoarding the blue skies for themselves. Although, when I look down, I can see a shiny dime on the sidewalk. Light reflects off it, nearly blinding me.

I don't pick it up, way too determined on my goal to be able to stop and admire something else that's pretty. I enter my house for a brief second, leaving my backpack and letting my dad know where I'll be.

"Alright, have fun." He waves me off, smiling as I leave the house again.

It's still raining when I get back out, the water pelting down and soaking into my jacket and jeans. I can feel raindrops run down my face. I find myself running, splashing unexpectedly in puddles as I do.

Once I reach Lauren's house, I immediately notice that a few more flowers have died. They droop to the side and collide messily with each other. Another pang echoes against my heart.

I shake the feeling, stepping up to her door. I notice that there is no cars in the driveway so I assume Lauren is alone. If she is even home.

Knocking on her door, I feel as if just the gentle tap of my knuckles against her wooden door will bruise my whole arm.

For a second, the world freezes but then I cough. "Let me in!" I holler, hardening my pounding on the door. Now, I can actually feel the bruises form on my knuckles.