Black Ink || Harlena a.u.

37.

After working my shift at the diner and getting caught in the rain, I made my way back home. Unfortunately, I would be alone once again.

I hadn't seen much of Anne lately; between work and things that popped up left and right, not to mention the distance of her job, I only managed to catch what seemed like glimpses of her.

When my stop arrived, I hopped off and hastily made my way over to the apartment that greeted me with warmth.

I set my phone down; it seemed like it had been burning a hole in my pocket. I hadn't replied to Louis, but I knew that I would have to talk to him sooner or later.

Truth was, I had already made up my mind about both him and Harry. Louis was someone I was grateful for because he had been there when I needed it the most. But I wouldn't be fooling anyone if I said Harry wasn't the one I was crazy about.

Me: Hey

We need to talk

While I waited for a reply at such a fucking cliche line that made me mentally roll my eyes at myself, I took out the leftover chicken from the fridge and stuck it in the microwave. I had made it last night, but Anne got home late and so it was basically all still there, considering I didn't feel like eating without her.

My phone buzzed after I had sat down and began picking at it.

Louis: Hey

Umm... sure

What about?

I should just rip the bandaid.

Me: It's just

Things between us are really good

But the truth is

I'm kind of hung up on someone right now

Idk if it'll even work out or if I'm just making a huge mistake

But I can't keep stringing you along like this while I find out...

He didn't answer for a long time. I had already placed my plate in the sink, cautiously walking around the silent phone.

It buzzed.

Louis: I'll admit I'm a bit disappointed

But I can't force you to stay

I hope we can still be friends though

I do care about you, you know?

Me: I care about you too

And yes

We can still be friends

That would actually be pretty nice

Louis: Take care Selene

I'll keep in touch xx

Me: You too

I blew out a breath at how easy it was, but how difficult it was to process the guilt and shame. Despite feeling like what he said obviously wouldn't happen, there was small comfort knowing that I had at least told him about it. I didn't want to lose what I had built with him, but at the same time what I had built had been out of complete loneliness that needed company.

Yeah, it felt like a complete dick move on my part to just push him aside because Harry was back, but I know I would've felt worse if I didn't tell him about it.

Deciding not to let my assholeness completely take over, I got comfortable after taking a quick shower and settled in bed.

***

I’ve been tryin’ to keep my grip
Yeah I think I’m over this
I can hear it now, oh no, oh no-o
Yeah my tongue will let it slip
Why’d I do those things I did?
I can taste it now, oh no, oh no-o

I’ll try my best, how much do I invest?
Like cardiac arrest, high voltage in her lips
I’ll try my best, how much do I invest?
Like cardiac arrest, high voltage when we kiss

I must have passed out after the first few songs because when I woke up, it was already dark outside. My phone had died and with great effort, I reached over to plug it in.

Rolling back on my side, I snuggled in deeper into my comforter.

I couldn't help but welcome Harry into my mind. Perhaps it was wishful thinking; a long shot at a dream that could only exist in my head when reality was shut out and fantasizing had set in.

He was the same old Harry- cheeky, but with that edge that I could only stand so close to before stepping back in fear of losing my step and tumbling down into something I wasn't quite sure I was ready for.

Maybe that's all I needed; to lose my step of logic and fall into the unknown realm of endless outcomes that seemed to be the epitome of Harry.

But in my dream, he was far more than that- we were far more than that. I wasn't just in his car or in a shop's bathroom. I was in his bed. And he didn't have a crazy ex girlfriend that still held strings he couldn't detach himself from. He was happy and free of any ties that held him down and swarmed his thoughts and feelings into that same blurriness that I merely got a taste from.

In my head, I'm lying next to him. And we don't have to rush anything because no one is waiting for him and no one is waiting for me.

We're those two puzzle pieces, stuck together without having to worry about the rest fitting into place because we already have.

And it feels nice to just have him lying beside me without having to worry about someone else doing the same thing with him because I'm there. And he's here. And in that perfect world, in that perfect moment, it's just the two of us.

I hugged my pillow tighter. For a split second I want to let out a strangled cry of frustration and anger at the fact that this wasn't fair.

Why did other people have it so easy?

Right now, all I wanted was for Harry to look me in the eye and say: Fuck everyone else. It's just you and me, Selene. And that's the way it would be the moment he said that.

Just me and Harry.

____****____

Am I rushing this story? Lol let me know xx

-M.D.R.