Red Eyes and Roses

Chapter 4

The air between us becomes thick with electricity. Not a tense and fearful panic, but rather a happy and warm hope. Hope for the smile on our lips to remain even after we fully separate. Hope for the safety surrounding me to remain even after he lets go. Hope for us. I can feel a smile on his lips as he pulls away gently. Our foreheads rest against each other as his warm breath dances across my face. The light reflects in his eyes, making them look like fire. Yet, the purely happy smile on his face lets me know that this fire shall not burn me. No matter the battles that flip between us, no matter the tears we will shed over one another, this fire in his eyes will never cause me pain. This fire in his eyes will be there to provide me warmth and serenity. This fire in his eyes will be there to save me from the storm and provide me a light. This fire in his eyes will be there to show me his love. And all of this terrifies me.

"Luke? Call you Luke? That's all you have to say?" Of course, my gut wrenching fear turns into pure anger as I see how happy he looks. I mean, no matter what emotions were on his face, I most likely would be freaking out on him. Smile or not. "I just poured my heart out to you and all you can do is tell me a nickname you'd like me to call you!" His grin fades into oblivion as he listens to the words pour out of my mouth. Pain drips from my lips. We abandon our smiles for frowns and our happiness for torture. The pleasure he may cause me never lasts because one of us always starts something. We can't seem to just be.

I whip my body around, my blonde halo smacking my face. I don't care how perfect that first kiss was. It isn't enough to keep the fear hidden underneath. His heart was poured in front of me just through his eyes. All I can do is leave.

"Where are you going?" He asks me, pain rolls free in his words. The strong arm holding me back by my own arm is enough to ignite a new panic in my chest. I ignore him anyways and roll my eyes. There is zero motivation in my being to deal with a third panic attack at school today. All I want to do is go home and wrap up in my blankets. I want to feel warmth and safety from an animate object. I want to feel peace from the hug of fabric. I want to feel joy from closing my eyes and drifting away. Ripping my arm from his grasp, I turn around and continue walking down the school pathway. My heels click on the pavement with each step I take. "Seriously, Annabella! Stop! Just stay here and talk to me! Please." From behind me, his voice changes from shouting to a sad whisper.

Despite my resolve to walk away and leave him behind, I stop walking. WIthout turning around, I snap, "What, Luke? Do you expect me to sit here and let you walk away again? Do you expect me to sit here and let you kiss me again? No. This time I want to be the one to leave. I want to walk away from you and leave you behind in pain. It's my turn." A sad smile grips my face and I lower my head.

A sigh escapes from my lips, but I keep going. I keep walking away from his body. I know that this isn't right. I know that this is a petty move. And yet, I do not allow the sorrow to stop my movement. No matter how bad I feel, the triumph out ways the pain.

Before I can even register what's going on, I feel myself being pulled back into Luke's strong arms. I may tell myself that I'm going to fight it, but I don't. He holds me close to his chest. Tension drips down and out of me. My back relaxes into him, my head falling back onto his shoulder. I'm completely terrified that he's going to leave me again. So I want to leave first. A new wave of tension courses through me and I start to lean forward. My brain is reminding me how badly I want to get away, how badly I need to escape. Luke most notice the newfound strength in me. His right arm tightens around waist as his left swoops down under my knees. Bridal style. I start kicking my feet trying to get him to put me down, but internally I know that I want him to hold me. I don't want to be left alone.

"All you had to do was agree and you wouldn't be in this situation," A smile creeps on his face as he holds me closer. My kicking becomes stronger and my fighting does too. I want him to leave me to be by myself. Of course he doesn't spare me a damn. As I try to fight free, he just tightens his hold on me. "I don't plan on letting you leave. I may have made the mistake of leaving you, but you can't. You're smarter than that. You can't leave me like that." His eyes add an extra, unspoken thought. A thought on how much his heart cares.