Red Eyes and Roses

Chapter 28

"I'm going to kill him." The unadulterated rage in Cerin's voice is enough to ignite a fear inside me. Unlike usual when he sees me scared around him, he doesn't bother to calm me down. His pure motivation to kill a man has him less worried about me and more about his own desires. Similar to when I'm freaking out over something, nothing I can say will calm him down.

I grab his hand in mine and squeeze. Tight. "Cerin," I squeak, "it's okay now. He can't hurt me anymore." Both of us have tears running down our faces from the past half hour. Telling someone about your past abuser can do that to you both. I've had to relive the entire story multiple times- in court, to doctors- and it still takes a lot out of me. No matter how many times I talk about what happened, about how it made me feel, nothing is ever going to erase my past. I will always be the girl who was abused by her father. I will always be the girl who breaks down over everything. I will always be the girl with problems.

"Annabella, he hurt you. Your father. The man who was supposed to be raising you decided to steal your innocence and physically scar your body. He needs to know that this isn't okay and that he can't get away with this." His other hand is wiping at the tears spilling down my cheeks. My heart breaks and fills with love simultaneously. After everything that happened, I lost all trust for males. Cole was the only one who I would allow within a five foot radius from me. Everyone that came near me left me in complete panic and had to be removed. I couldn't handle the thought of letting someone i trusted close to me again because they could hurt me. Emotional abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse. Each of these can and will hurt a person from the inside out. Forgiveness is something that I have never found in my heart. I just can't do it. A piece of me will always love him because he's my father, he's the man who helped create me. The rest of me? The rest of me hates every millimeter of his being.

"Cerin, he's dead already."

I've never seen a man shut his mouth that quickly. If you want someone to stop arguing with you, you just need to tell them that your father is dead. On the other hand, if you want someone to practically drag you out of bed in an attempt to run, you tell them that your abuser is dead. "I'm going to find him. He's about to deal with a whole new level of wrath." My jaw drops. Who could have guessed that telling him he's already dead wouldn't stop his rage?

I exert zero thoughts into my actions as I reach over and slap Cerin. Square across the face. "How about we don't go and piss off the man who likes to cause pain?" Sarcasm pours from my voice and I roll my eyes. Apparently people think that angering a violent man is a good plan. I mean, it works out if you want to be hurt. It is a horrible plan if you want to stay safe. I would personally rather have both Cerin and I safe. "After everything that happened," between thoughts I have to take a deep breath. Just having this conversation is too much for me and I want it over. Sadly, I know that that cannot happen when I'm dealing with Cerin. My first priority has to change from myself to him and keep him from doing anything irrational. "One day, after everything happened, I told my mother. She freaked out and notified the police immediately. As was completely expected, he beat us both until at least I was unconscious on the floor. When I woke up in the hospital the very next morning, I was told that he got into an accident when fleeing our house from the officers. He didn't make it. I broke into tears immediately because- as a little girl- I thought it was all my fault. If I didn't tell anyone, my dad wouldn't be dead. It took years of both therapy and constant reassurance to know that it was not my fault and that everything that happened was wrong." The room around me starts to spin midway through my speech. The heart beating in my chest picks up its pace, sprinting the last few feet over the finish line of calm. Pure panic blooms inside of me from all parts of my body.

Through the haze of tears in my eyes, I can see Cerin flop back down onto the bed. His hands latch onto my arms and warmth floods through me. I don't focus on it. Instead, I stare directly into the red of his eyes. Red. Roses, love. Red. Sunsets, heat. Red, red, red.