Red Eyes and Roses

Chapter 20

I can't sleep. It's four in the morning, according to my clock, and I haven't fallen asleep yet. The emotions from last night are running circles in my head. I felt safe in the arms of the man who kidnapped me. I felt happy in the arms of the man who dragged me from my family. I felt good. There was no negative emotions directed to him. He held me as I cried into his shirt. He didn't question me about the situation. He was respectful and kind. What is going on with me? What is going on with my life?

Absentmindedly, my hands run down the silk nightgown covering my body. Luna handed me the black fabric when I followed her to return the dress. Her words from right before I walked out of the room ring in my head. She told me not to hurt him. She told me how much she loves him and how much he has gone through. She told me how shocked everyone was when he followed me from the room. She told me how tall his walls are and how dark his heart is. She told me to approach her brother with an open mind. She told me to not close Cerin out. As I ran from the room, the nerves and guilt climbed through me. I can still feel them as I lie still in this bed.

Suddenly the room is suffocating me in its walls. I can't breathe. In a total sense of panic, I throw the blankets to the floor and fling myself from the bed. My legs carry me to the window to my left, but I find out quickly that it's locked. Not just normal locked, though. I need a key to open it. A key that I don't have. Instead of freaking out at the window, I rush to my door and fling it open. It feels as if there's chains on my ankles and they're dragging me down. It feels as if I'm trying to run through water. There is no chance that I'm silent as I take off down the hall. Luckily I remember the path to the dining room. I also remember seeing a door to the garden. A garden that is outside. Outside where there is fresh air. I push my legs harder than I ever have before and I reach the door in record timing. Of course, the two guards at the door step into my path.

"I'm sorry, miss, but we cannot open these doors. We're on strict orders to keep you inside." The panic in my chest rises and I fling myself forward. From the outside, this must be an interesting sight. Tear-streaked me in a nightgown flinging myself at the two guards blocking my escape. I land in the arms of the closest one. My hands work on their own schedule, clawing and scratching at the man stopping me. He holds me back, standing strong but never hurting me.

A loud voice booms from the end of the hallway. "Put her down!" For the first time since I've met him, I am overwhelmingly thankful for Cerin's presence. The guard holding me up drops me to the ground and I crumble on impact. Just like his mother, Cerin's body radiates heat. I can feel him approach before I see him. Heat surrounds me as I'm scooped into his strong arms. For once, I allow myself to be weak and let him hold me bridal style. "Why were you holding her?" His anger is evident from the way his body shakes as he holds me, but his voice is quiet. I can instantly tell that he's trying not to scare me.

The guards stammer out a response, one I could barely understand. I can tell Cerin feels the same because his body tenses underneath of my body. Fear of his anger causes me to scramble from his arms. Tensely, I walk away from him. The tears are still running down my face and I can feel the walls closing in faster. I need to get outside.

"I don't care what you were told. Let her go outside!" Apparently my hysterics are enough and the guards back out of my way. I push forward and slam through the doors. The warm air hits my lungs as I gulp in breath after breath with greed. Like a newborn deer, I stumble through the yard. My legs feel weak as I make my way to the bench closest to me. As soon as I sit down, I can feel the air helping to calm me down. The tears on my face start to slow down and I take a deep breath. My bubble of calm is popped when the air around me gets hotter.

Reluctantly, I open my eyes and my mouth. "Thank you," I take a deep breath before continuing, "for helping me with the guards." I slowly turn my head and watch Cerin sit down next to me. His hand lands on top of mine and he smiles gently.

"Anytime." His eyes hold contact with mine for a few moments before turning his head up to the sky. I copy his movements and look up at the sky. The sky is covered in a dark blue sheet. There's hints of lighter blues tinting different sections with daylight. "So, do you want to talk about it?" Cerin's voice breaks through my moment.

A sigh ripples through my body. "I miss my family." The lie comes easily since it isn't fully a lie. I do miss my family, but that's not my problem. No part of me plans on telling him that I was freaking out over guilt. Guilt directed at him. He nods his head, the back of his skull tapping on the bench lightly. For some reason, the quiet is all that I need to convince me to keep talking. "My little sister, Ember, misses me when I leave for school. Me being away for this long must be driving her crazy. And my mom only has Em and I. She's most definitely freaking out over this. Then there is Jocelyn and Cole. Each one has seen me everyday for most of my life. I'm sure that they're concerned." I spill information regarding my friends and family as fast as the tears spill down my face.

Cerin tenses up beside me. "Well, I hope that they can get over themselves. You're not leaving anytime soon." His words knock me back. I watch, jaw agape, as he stands from the bench and walks away from me. The tears come easier now. Drop after drop, tear after tear.