A Series Of Letters {Adopted by Palaye Royale}

Chapter Twenty-Two

I whine, stuffing my head into Sebastian's neck as his arms pull me close. He hushes me and attempts to calm me down as I whimper against his skin. His hold on me is tight, comforting, and exactly what I need. Remington and Emerson are on either side of us, but neither know exactly what they should do. Whether to touch me or leave me be. Whether to hold me or let Seb handle it. Emerson is the first to move. His hand juts out to move hair from my face where it was sticking to my tears. I'm utterly terrified.

It's my first doctor's appointment today. We're sitting in the waiting room currently, the three boys, Steph, and I. I can't help but being scared, even if I'm not scared of anything in particular. "Hey, just remember to breathe. Everything Remington's taught you? Remember it. Remember to calm down. You're okay. We're not leaving you."

"Promise?" I push my pinkie out. He hooks it. 

"Hey, hey, I promise. You're alright." I sniffle. And then, my name is being called. The nurse speaks with a leveled voice. My body doesn't corporate with my brain and will not move. Remington grabs me off Sebastian's lap and picks me up. He follows Emerson over to the nurse, setting me down and taking my hand when we get there. 

"Lottie?" I nod, faking a smile at the nurse. My free hand tucks into the pocket of Remington's white hoodie which I stole. "Alright....you may have two people with you in the room. During the ultrasound we can see what we can do but when you're meeting with the doctor only two can be in." My grip on Remington's hand tightens and my opposite hand dives for Sebastian's wrist, not letting go. Emerson kisses the top of my head. 

"You've got this. I'll be right here if you need me."

"Alright, let's go." Sebastian, who has never been the affectionate one, holds my hand the entire way to the exam room. There, they both turn around and cover their eyes as the nurse helps me into a baby blue speckled gown. I climb onto the table, heart starting to pound. A blood pressure cuff is secured around my arm, and Remington walks to my bedside to take my hand. His thumb presses in between my first and second knuckles as an attempt to calm me down, and it works. 

My blood pressure and pulse are sky high. "We don't know if it's because you're nervous or something with the pregnancy right now. Do you have a blood pressure cuff at home?"

"I can get one," Seb answers. 

"Great. I want you to take her levels every day, before she gets out of bed or eats anything, and record it. Can you bring those numbers to our next appointment?" Seb nods. I smile over at him, and he returns it.

"Hey kiddo,"

"Hi, Sebbie." He smiles the widest I think he ever has.

"Been a while since I heard that one." I nod. The nurse leaves soon after, stating that the doctor will be in soon. I take a deep breath.

"That's it," Remington coaches. "Nice and slow."

%%%%%

The exam was awful. One of the worst things I've had to go through. At some points the doctor wanted the boys to leave and I'd just tighten my hold on whichever was closest to me. There's no way I'm doing this without them. "We'll get a new doctor if you want," Seb whispers, kissing the top of my head. I shake my head. It's not that I don't like the doctor; they seem cool. It's just that I'm excessively anxious today. 

"Can Emmy and Steph come in here?" The nurse nods and leaves to get them. The ultrasound tech continues preparing everything. I followed Stephanie's advice and brought a pair of junky shorts, so I made the boys turn around once more to allow me to change into them. They're comfy, and will prevent parts of me being seen I don't want to made known to the whole world. 

Emerson and Stephanie enter. Sebastian greets his girlfriend with a kiss, but still doesn't leave my side, continuing to run his fingers through my hair as time ticks on. I've never been the closest with Seb, but today he is the only one I want at my side. I rest my head on his arm, the soft velvet of his suit jacket rubbing against my cheek. "You're okay," He whispers, kissing my temple. I smile. I genuinely believe those words right now; and it's an amazing feeling. 

The tech says she's ready and I take a deep breath. I'm about to see my baby. The thing within me that is relying me keeping them alive. I shoot a look to Emerson. "It's alright," He mouths to me, smiling and nodding. I take a deep breath. Sebastian's hand leaves my hair and joins mine, holding tight. I take a deep breath and smile.

My head kinks to the angle of the screen as the tech tucks a paper towel under the waistband of my shorts. I feel my heart start to pound. Sebastian squeezes my hand in an attempt to call me down. It works.

A wad of blue gel is placed over the right upper section of my stomach. It warms up instantly, so hot its only a fine point away from uncomfortable. I squeeze Seb's hand as she places the wand over it. She presses down, moving around until the picture on the screen clears up.

There it is.

That's my baby.

It only looks like a small, black oval, but I know. My baby's in there, right there in front of my eyes. I hear somebody behind me take a deep breath, and Sebastian squeezes my hand once more. The technician starts taking measurements and pictures, but all I can think of is the fact that my baby is in there. It'll be there for thirty-five more weeks, where it will continue to grow and evolve. At just five weeks old, the baby is still hard to see within my stomach, and the picture eventually becomes too fuzzy to see a thing. 

"How big are they?"

"Sesame seed," The tech says, turning and pulling the paper towel from my shorts to wipe off my stomach. "When you come back next month you'll be able to see your honey alot clearer." I smile, nod, and thank the technician. Stephanie helps me back into my bra and Twenty-One Pilots shirt as the boys face the wall. I thank her, and then Emerson takes my hand and we walk out. Sebastian makes my next appointment while Emerson takes me to the van. I sit next to him there, my head on his shoulder.

Holy fuck.

I'm actually pregnant. 

It's just now hitting me. There's a living being within me, and I just saw them up on that screen. My hand presses into the spot right where they are. This isn't how things are supposed to be, but it's turning out to be okay. Your life is written out like a book. You just have to go along with it, let your author determine your future.

However, I think I like these pages.

***A/N: I made a Spotify playlist with songs I listen to when I write! It's a WIDE variety of music with something for everyone! Here's the link and thank you for supporting this book:  https://open.spotify.com/user/thenamesryanxx/playlist/55nFDikCvIovgsFOQ5lDgG. Thank you all for reading this book and supporting me in everything I do. I love you and you mean the world to me.

~Ryan***