A Series Of Letters {Adopted by Palaye Royale}

Chapter Forty-Three

***Just so you know this isn't realistic Sebastian is a really hilarious, giddy, goofy drunk and he's not an asshole EVER***

It's me and Eli on the Los Angeles streets. It's cold, and although I don't know the exact date it's way too early for Elijah to be out without a jacket. But, Seb forced us from the house with nothing but the clothes on our backs and the phone in my pocket. It's 11:42 P.M., and I've been cradling my poor son on this park bench trying to figure out where I should go. Every text I haven't answered; every call I have declined. Even though it may have been a drunken Sebastian that threw me out onto the Anaheim streets; nobody stopped him. I'm not far from home either, and by the looks of it nobody has come to look for me. 

As Elijah starts to wail and I realize we're not in the greatest part of Anaheim, my brain tries to scour for somebody I know, some place to go. I tried texting Tree but didn't get an answer. As I hold my baby close I frantically search my contacts, desperate for any form of help. Two contacts jut out at me, and they're both friends of the boys they've introduced me to. Kellin and Awsten. I check both boys' social medias before doing anything. I see that Kellin is in Australia at a music festival, and when Awsten tweeted five minutes ago, his location pinged ten minutes away. I waste no time in calling him.

"Hello?" He asks, obviously confused. "Who's this?"

"It's....fuck," I shiver as a chill passes. Elijah wails, obviously uncomfortable in the frigid air. "It's Lottie. Sebastian D-Danzig's daughter. Fuck it's cold." I grit my teeth and pull Eli a little closer.

"Oh!" Awsten exclaims with a slight giggle, must be remembering who I am. "Hi! What's up?"

"I need somewhere to stay." I say it bluntly. "Me and my son. He's...fuck it's cold...just over two weeks old."

"Oh my God." He sounds concerned, almost urgent. "Where are you?"

"A bus stop near Boysen Park." A click sounds on the end of Awsten's line. 

"I'm coming to get you right now. Stay right there. I'll text you when I'm close. Actually...fuck go try and find somewhere warm." He must hear Eli screaming because the next thing he says is "You poor things must be freezing. Text me please. It'll take me like twenty minutes to get there; I'm at a house party in El Modena. Stay warm; stay safe. Fuck. Okay. I'll see you soon." Awsten's nervous rambling kicks back in. "Bye." And then the line cuts.

I walk Elijah and I about four minutes across a couple busy streets before I see the first building; a United Methodist Church. "I'm gonna fucking burn." I mutter, but the temperature is too low for me to care. I have to keep my baby safe. I wish Sebastian would have at least given a shit about him. 

I stand under the patio, covering Elijah as best I can with my hoodie and texting Awsten where we are. I sit on the frigid cement as Eli screams and my heart breaks. I decline yet another call from Remington. I can't right now. No matter what he says. I just need the two of us to go to Awsten; because we're obviously not wanted with the boys anymore. I knew it would happen. I'm sixteen, forced my way into their lives, and then brought a rape baby along with it. 

Awsten pulls up some five minutes of my dark thoughts later. He immediately rushes to me, a flannel in his hands that he uses to wrap Elijah in. Even though I barely know him, I feel safer with Awsten holding my baby close to his chest right now than I would with Sebastian doing the same action. Oh how the tables have turned.

"Hey, sweetie." Awsten's sigh practically leaks with a mix of anger and pity. "I'm so fucking sorry this happened. C'mon," I don't get a word in before I'm in the backseat of Awsten's car, where there's a baby seat that he's helping Elijah into, since it's elaborate and I don't know how to work what's not in the van or Steph's Mini Coop. "My friend Tia has a baby, so she's bringing over stuff for the little guy. You were quiet when I first met you; you don't have to talk, but I'm here if you want to." Awsten secures the snaps and shuts the door, climbing into the front seat. I tuck my earbuds in, blasting screams and sappy vocals to stay calm where gently caressing my son's skin. A text from Jeremy comes, and that is the only one I respond.

Me: I'm okay. Tell Caden I'm okay. Tell Remington. Tell Emerson, Shy, Steph. I'm okay. I'm with somebody we all know and who is keeping me and Eli safe, but for his safety from Sebastian I'd rather not say who. We'll work it out later I guess.

Awsten doesn't talk to me once he notices I have my headphones in. It's common courtesy; if  somebody has their headphones in, that's a fuck off and leave me alone to the world. There's a Pack N Play for Elijah to sleep in, and that's where I put his half-asleep body after I change him. There's a small pacifier between his lips, and once he's knocked out I exit the nursery. Awsten finds me almost instantly in one of the many hallways of his house. 

"Hey," He sighs, a hand on my shoulder. "Do you wanna talk about it?" I don't do that, instead I fling myself into his arms and sob. I'm comfortable, and he should be grateful for that. There's not many people where this early after spending "alone time" with them I would trust this much. Trust with my son. Awsten sighs, his hands tight on my back and holding me close. "I'm sorry, Lottie. I'm sorry things are so hard lately. I'm not saying what Sebastian did was right, and I'm not saying you have to go back; you can stay here as long as you want. All I'm saying is maybe in the morning when this is all cooled down and he's sobered up and you're calm; talk to him. Find out what happened. None of this was justifiable at all, but I know Sebastian. And I know how much he loves you. And he wouldn't just "do this". So talk to him when this all blows over. But you and Elijah can both stay as long as you want." Awsten's voice does not change, and his speech does not falter, no matter how many times my phone audibly vibrates.

"I'm sorry for bursting in with Elijah and ruining whatever you had going on here." Awsten scoffs.

"What? You mean playing Zelda and Tetris within a depressive episode? You and your son are welcome here, Lottie." He pulls back from the hug, hands sliding a bit lower down my hips. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?" 

"Do you have tea?" He nods, a goofy smile spreading across his face. He grabs some off the top of the fridge and starts the kettle. I smile, taking a seat at his white marble table and texting Jeremy. 

"My friend's gonna be here in ten minutes with stuff for me and the baby." Awsten's pouring me a mug of tea as he says it, so all he does is nod, smile, quickly shoot me a glance and mutter "that's okay," under his breath. The mug, when placed in front of me, is white with big, red letters across the front spelling out World's Best Daddy.

"Yes, it's mine. No, don't ask." Awsten huffs, a humorous one. I giggle in the back of my throat, hoping it's a gag gift. Something's telling me it's the exact opposite.

I'm not done with my tea when Jeremy arrives at the house. Awsten leads him to the kitchen, where he even raises an eyebrow at the writing on the mug in front of me, but stays silent. Jeremy is directed to place the bag in the guest bedroom where I'll be sleeping. I pout when I realize that means sleeping alone again for the first time in a long while. Months, since probably the time of Eli's conception...the rape. 

When he returns with Elijah's milk to put in the freezer, Jeremy pulls me up out of my seat and into his arms. He holds me close against his unbound chest, not that I mind. He's still as much as a guy as he was binding. It's late, so it's understandable. His soft, delicate hands rub circles in my back, and with one small kiss to my temple he pulls back. "Emerson's having a fit back home. Hasn't stopped pacing and won't stop screaming at Sebastian." I wince, glad I'm gone for the terror. "I'll tell them you're okay. But I'll...yeah." It goes without saying. I don't want any of the boys knowing where I've been, in case they're mad at Awsten. "Me or Caden are here if you need is; there probably won't be much sleeping tonight. Love you," And then, Jeremy's out the door.

I finish my tea before hugging Awsten and heading to bed, not bothering to change into one of the sets of clothes Jeremy brought. Awsten refused to put a baby monitor in my room; and told me if Elijah wakes up he will take care of it. I thanked him profusely. First I make him leave a house party to come get me and my kid, and now we're crashing his house and taking his sleep. I feel awful...yet also safe. I'm not ready to face the boys again in the morning. They're gonna hate me. 

And so, as I drift to sleep, I hope to never wake up.