A Series Of Letters {Adopted by Palaye Royale}

Chapter Forty-Nine

****A/N: Please don't kill me. Blame my creative writing substitute who brought this idea to my brain****

Awsten is hugging me tight, my breathing still evening out. This is terrifying. I can't believe that happened.

When I got the call from Emmanuel the other day, I didn't know how to tell everybody. Now, I have no choice. The officials are coming in just a few days.

When Remington enters the basement, he looks terrified. I can only imagine. I want to reach up for him, but then remember why he's here, and just stay in the comfortable warmth of Awsten's arms.

To prevent myself from falling into another panic attack, my brain brings itself back to a happy memory to keep me grounded.

But my brain still replaces it with worries and anxieties. A text from Emmanuel makes it worse. They will be here in an hour or less.

"Lottie, you look really nervous." Emerson says, taking a seat on the couch next to Awsten and I and putting his hand on my arm. "We're here for you, baby. What is it?" I take a deep breath, and when I flicker my eyes up, I meet Stephanie's. Emotion is seeping through them. She's petrified. Afraid of the words about to leave my lips. And she should be. This destroyed me, I cannot imagine what it'll do to them.

Shy asks me if I'm struggling with self harm again.

No, not currently, but probably very soon.

Sebastian asks me if I am gay or transgender.

No, no, it is something much worse.

Remington asks if I'm having problems with the kids at school.

No. That is fixable anyways. This, is not. And I can't believe I let that happened.

Elijah starts to cry in Tree's arms and I want so desperately to tell him it will all be okay. Even though it won't be okay. I'd be lying to him. Things won't be okay for the two of us. This will be the end of both of us.

Stephanie asks if there's anything she can do.

I shake my head. This is out of their hands. Its out of mine. I tried. Caden and Jeremy tried. Gina and Emmanuel tried. Nothing can be done. This cannot be changed. I did all I could. This is my own fault.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I should have checked it. I didn't. Granted, there was no time to, but now look where it has led us. There is no retry. This is the end. We can't fix this. Nothing can.

Sebastian asks if it's about my health.

Apparently "not unless you count mental" wasn't an adequate answer and just confused them even more.

"Just say it," Awsten whispers in my ear. And I so desperately want to, but I do not want to have to face their reactions. This is gonna kill them. They have loved me for almost a year.

I start to cry.

Already, I'm fucking overwhelmed.

"Can I start by saying I love you and nothing you guys could have done would change this?" Confusion. That's all the faces read. They aren't sure what is happening, but my facial expressions and body language tell them it's not great news. That's not even close. This is terrible. This is the end of this incredible family. This is the vicious murder of the safety wall I have with the boys.

"Lottie..." Remington's voice is warning. "Lottie, honey, take all the time you need to tell us"

Oh, but I can't. Emmanuel just text to warn the officials are less than 10 minutes away. My clock is ticking, as much as I do not want to say the words. In verbalizing what is happening, I let the demons of thought and emotion out as well.

"So do you remember that first court date in Buffalo? Where we lost and I had to go with my grandparents?" They all nod. It's almost in sync. "Do you remember the paper you had to sign?"

"Steph and I signed it." Sebastian's voice mirrors my heart; breaking. "It said we wanted to be your parents. That we had a home for you. Medical care. That it was in your best interest to be with us. That we would care for you until we died." The tears fall harder at his words. He kept true to every one of those promises.

"The day I signed that paper was the day I fell in love with you. And I will still do anything and everything for you, Lottie"

I go to walk into Seb's arms, sobbing, when a man steps between us.

The officials. I ran out of time. Fuck.

"Miss Lottie, you are coming with us." He yanks my arm backward, dragging me along like I am weightless.

"Woah! Hey!" Sebastian yells in protest and flinches toward me. I am yanked back once more. "Let her go!"

"Sir, relax or the baby is coming with me, too." Sebastian huffs and crosses his arms, but steps back. "Lottie never signed the paper. This adoption is null and void. You may keep her son, because it is in his best interest. Lottie will be returning to the care of her grandparents in Buffalo."

There is no time to say goodbye.

Only screams.