A Series Of Letters {Adopted by Palaye Royale}

Chapter Twenty-Seven

***trigger warning***

It's still early, which is why, despite having breakfast in me, I'm nearly asleep against Stephanie's shoulder. It's not even ten a.m., I don't think. Sebastian is in the front seat and Stephanie is back in the second row of the van with me. We're sitting in slight traffic on our way to Santa Monica Place. It's a place I've been wanting to go since we moved cities, and now, with my parents by my side, I have the chance to. I'm honestly so happy to have Stephanie in my life. She could have said 'no' when Sebastian presented her with the idea of adopting me. I mean, it's a big deal. You're adopting a kid together when you're not even married. But she did it...out of love for him and me. I'm so grateful for her. Had she said no, God knows where I'd be. Under New York law, in order to adopt somebody there must be two people who are in a relationship. It's a messed up rule, but one that Stephanie, luckily, was okay with. I dig my head into her collarbone.

"Hi," She whispers, kissing the top of my head. 

"Hi, Steph...just thinkin',"

"Bad things?" She asks, arm wrapping around the front of my torso. I shake my head. "Then think on. Just don't need you hurting yourself; whether that be emotionally or physically. Think on, baby doll."

Confusion rushes through me as Sebastian pulls into a parking lot that definitely doesn't lead to the Santa Monica Place. "Uh...Seb?" My eyes land on the silver lettering above the building in front of us. House of Ink, it reads. 

"I'm getting a tattoo. I want you here for it,"

!!!!!!!

My hand lands in Stephanie's and my heart threatens to pound out of my chest. The buzzing of the tattoo gun continues on, then splutters to a stop. I see the man wipe Sebastian's chest off. "All done," The tattooist speaks. I look up at Stephanie, who signals me to wait a second. Seb walks to a mirror, where his eyes land on his new tattoo. "That looks awesome!" He yells. I get approval from Stephanie, and walk into the partially closed off room.

When Sebastian spins back around to me, I want to burst into tears at the sight of the new ink on his chest. It's in black, curly, but legible script. And it curves with the shape of his heart, right over where it lies, protected by layers of skin and ribs. A few blood spots still linger from the gun. I do start crying once I have a second to fully register what the tattoo says.

"Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart but in it."

I throw myself onto Seb's bare chest, sobbing uncontrollably. My arms start to shake around him. Sebastian's arms lock around my back, holding me close before one lifts up to accommodate Stephanie. I've never felt like this. I can't place the feeling. But right now, I know I matter to somebody, even if I don't think so. If I don't believe in myself, Sebastian has a tattoo to prove he believes in me. It's inked in his body for the rest of time. He is living proof of what I am and always will be. He is a constant reminder that what was doesn't matter; what matters is what is. What's happening right now will never happen ever again. So instead of dwelling on the past, I should focus on the world around me right now. It may not be ideal, but I'm only gonna live through it once. This is the only time I'm gonna experience this moment with my family, so I'm using every ounce of appreciation I have to soak it up.

Sebastian's right hand, the one resting in the center of my back, is rubbing calming circles. His lips land on my forehead, and he whispers those three words that make my heart jump every time. "I love you,". For fifteen years, I had only heard one person tell me I love you. And that one person was Caden. I never heard my sorry excuse for a parent say those words. And now, every time I hear somebody, especially Seb or Steph, say it, happiness rushes through me. 

"I love you, too, Sebastian. Thank you for everything you do for me."

"Thank you for being my daughter," I feel tears push at my eyelids, but Sebastian lets both Stephanie and I go to get his fresh tattoo washed off one last time and bandaged. Once that's all set, he pulls his shirt back on, pays, and we all head back to the van. 

It's Stephanie that drives as I only wanna cuddle up to Sebastian in the backseat right now. I snuggle into his side, resting my head on his upper arm. Fucking giant...

I have no idea where we're headed, but I trust them with whatever it is. A wave of discomfort passes over me, and while my one hand clutches my petite bump my other scrambles for a Zofran. Sebastian hands me one of the sealed silver containers, which I quickly pop the white pill out of and let it sit on my tongue. Once it's dissolved, I nearly gag at the taste, quickly washing it down with a Gatorade. 

Suddenly, my nails are digging into Sebastian's skin and I'm thrashing. He tries to grab me, but that just sets my mind off more. I squirm and fight, yet my nails never leave Sebastian's skin. My breathing starts to speed up and my brain starts to go out. I scream out in frustration. "Stephanie! Pull over!" I hear Sebastian shout. The van does so, but my mind isn't here. It's back with Drew, his men, and the cause for this baby in my uterus. I didn't ask for this. 

Sebastian does what he must; the only thing to get me out of these. He unbuckles me and slings my body onto his lap so my thighs are on either side of his hips. I continue fighting and thrashing, but he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight, whispering in my ear until he breaks through my thoughts and snaps me out of it.

And with the end of a 'fit'...comes tears.

I'm sobbing so hard my chest is caving against Sebastian's and I can barely breathe. His hands work patterns into my back. "Relax for me," He whispers, voice level and calm. "Breathe, Lottie. You're safe. It's just me and Steph. You're in the van. You're in my arms. It's Sebastian; you're okay," It may see simple, but I need Seb to remind me of the small things. Reassure me that I'm not with Drew, and that I'm with people who love and care about me in a place that he can't hurt me. 

"It's so scary," I barely whisper, voice breaking, against his collarbone. "I...I told him 'no'. So many times. Why....why didn't he stop? I kept...yelling...and telling him no. And he just hit me and...and kept going." My voice gets caught in my throat. "Why didn't he stop Sebbie?" 

"I wish I had an answer for you there, Lottie." His voice grows hoarse, as it always does when he's holding back tears. "He did a very sick, twisted thing. But he's paying for it. And trust me...in jail? They aren't easy on people who mess with children there. He's gonna get what he deserves. And even when he's out of jail, he is not gonna be able to get anywhere near you." Sebastian sniffles, and a single tear of his lands on my forehead. "You and this, this baby," His large hand lands on my tiny bump. "Mean the world to me, Steph, and all the other boys. But you're my baby. I'm gonna take care of you. I'd go to a-all ends of the Earth for you Lottie...and you'll do anything and everything to keep you safe."

"I love you, Seb."

"I love you, too, Lottie."

And with that, we decide to visit Santa Monica Place a different time. Because right now, all I want to do is cuddle between my parents and watch Disney films.

Which is exactly what we're gonna do.