The Heart Wants What It Wants

Chapter 16

Nicole's POV

"Phone, iPad, keys..." I was rushing through Rachel's house trying to pick up all my stuff for work, and luckily, all my gadgets were always with me, so I didn't have to face Lucas before today.

I have spent a few days at Rachel's, doing my best to come up with the good story for everyone at work, and how to face my parents. Then it dawned on me that Lucas must have had his own scenario that he had told everyone, as to why he never got married. On top of it all, my parents were furious, disappointed and baffled by my behavior which I got to realize once I had called them to let them know I was back in LA. It's an understatement to say that they wished I was not really their daughter. I have made such a mess out of my life in just a couple of days, and it'll take forever to fix it.

"I'm leaving Rach, I got the keys so I'll see you tonight," I yelled and Rachel just answered with OK, being too busy with sorting out the attic.

A deep breath in and a calming one out. I can totally do it. I'm an adult, taking full responsibility for my reckless behavior and I need to act like it. All these random thoughts came to my mind while I was driving to work. How to act around Lucas? What to tell him? What would our first encounter even look like? Is Jared going to marry that Italian girl? Are they having twins? What should I have for breakfast? Ooh, coffee, I need to pull over.

Wow, slow down Nicole. One messed up situation at a time.

Stepping inside the company, I was faced with seriously awkward looks and I could have felt and even hear the gossip roaming around, the minute after they had said, "Hello" to me. I have never felt like I was under the spotlight, until now. The worst feeling ever. The eyes full of judgement, mockery, pity and of course those Did she really think she could lock Jared Leto down, looks. Horrible.

No matter how piercing the looks of other colleagues were, I had yet to face the most horrifying one. As I stepped outside the elevator and headed down to my office, the well familiar figure appeared in front of me. Lucas, coming out of the CEO's office and heading to his own. He didn't even see me, which was quite a relief. I had yet to prepare for what to tell him, without crumbling down or bursting into tears. But just as a wave of relief washed over me, Lucas suddenly turned around to go another direction, and that's when I thought my heart was gonna escape from my chest.

The time had suddenly stopped, and those 5 seconds somehow felt like an eternity. He was shocked, I didn't know what to say, and the amount of negative energy spreading through the hallway was ridiculous. If only I could have had those couple of minutes, I had planned to take before facing him, I could've think of something better to say, but instead I just stood there. Silent. Numb. With no words to utter. My lips moved, but I literally couldn't speak. Lucas also seemed rather confused and at one moment, he probably wanted to say something but he kept silent as well. He just walked by me, lowered his head, while I whispered, "Hi..." which he probably failed to hear.

Watching him leave, felt so devastating, but I knew I deserved an even worse treatment than simple ignoring. I sighed, and turned away to walk into my office. I had barely closed the door, when tears started running down my face. At the moment, I didn't even know why I was crying. I didn't feel sad, but rather mad at myself. I guess all of this was too much, and the emotions were overwhelming me. Suddenly my phone rang. Jared. He's tried to reach me for the past few days and I haven't answered a single call, but now I needed to lash out on someone, so I picked up.

"Stop calling me! I never want to speak to you, or see you, ever again in my life! Just leave me alone! I curse the day we met! Leave me the fuck alone!", I yelled and then hung up, throwing the phone on the sofa. I put the rest of my stuff on my desk, and sat in my chair to see myself in the mirror, and fix the mess I had probably made with crying.