"good morning, josh," the nurse smiled.
"h-hi, jenna," he said sleepily, yawning and getting up.
"happy one month clean," she grinned, handing josh a brand new, 300 page sketchbook.
"what?! i've been needing a new sketchbook forever! how did you know??" josh asked surprisedly.
"you've told me about all the letters you've written tyler and ruby, so i assumed you were in need of new pages," jenna smiler and shrugged.
"it's only been a month?" josh sighed, flipping through the pages.
"i know, i know. the first month or two is really slow, but pretty soon it'll start picking up."
josh just sighed, burying his face in his hand.
"i have some news i think you'll be excited about," jenna said.
"nothing's worth being excited about," josh said sadly.
"well, since you've been doing so well attending all your sessions, they've decided to allow you to send one letter every friday to someone of your choice. and, every monday, if they write a response, it will be delivered."
"t-that's great," josh said. "b-but i-i don't think anyone's gonna respond to me. t-they all kind of hate me..."
"so what if they don't respond? they'll at least know you're getting help getting better."
josh shrugged.
"write tyler a letter. tell him what you're working on," jenna said.
"ok," josh said quietly.
'dear tyler,
i'm writing this to you from my room in the columbus rehabilitation center. i checked myself in here a few days after i left.
i hope you're doing well. the others, too. i wish i could see ruby. i'm sure she's beautiful.
i still can't believe i did this to you, and there's still some i don't think you know about. in therapy, we learned to not bottle up our emotions and mistakes and that we should own up to them.
i'm addicted to heroine.
i cheated. twice.
i'd be lying 75% of the time i was with you.
i would say i was going to the grocery store, and i would go to my dealer's house.
i'd say i was going out with brendon, i went out and got dead drunk alone.
i lost my job three months before ruby came.
i'd say i was going to always be there for you, and now i can't own up to that. because i'm a hundred miles away.
but, when i get better, i'm going to come back to columbus.
don't worry, i'm not coming near you or ruby.
unless, you want me to. but i can't imagine you do.
then, if you ever need anything, i'll do it. just, i won't be able to find a good job for a while since the whole addiction thing has to be known.
but still, anything you or ruby needs, i'll do whatever i can to provide it.
i love you, tyler. i always have and i always will. i'm sorry i didn't tell you that every single minute of the day. i'm sorry i didn't tell you that i was so dumb and low to cheat on you. i'm sorry i didn't tell you i lost my job. i'm sorry i didn't tell you about my addiction. i'm sorry i'm such a terrible person.
i don't deserve you. i never did.
and i certainly don't now.
but that doesn't stop me from loving you more than life itself. and you're in my thoughts every waking second of my day.
i love you, and i hope you're taking care of yourself.
tell ruby i love her too, if you want. i don't know how much of a part you want me to play in her life.
anyways, i love you. and hopefully when i get out of here i could do something special for you.
all my love,
joshua william dun'
