One Shots ✏

firsts.

{read with extreme caution.}

Life.

It's full of first times, isn't it?

Mommy and daddy anxiously wait for their first time to get to hold you after the long nine months of waiting for your arrival.

It's the first day that they get to take you home and they're excited. It's a new life, one they didn't quite expect.

Your first bath, your first feeding, and even your first night in the place you'll call home for the next upcoming years.

They teach you how to pronounce words so you can begin to talk. Mommy looks silly. She sits on the bench outside of the market and you're in her lap. Her mouth is contorting in different ways as odd sounds leave her mouth. Well, they're odd to you at least. You haven't the slightest idea of what they mean.

A few months later and daddy stands across the room whilst mommy stands crouched behind you, holding you up. Your giggles and cheers fill the room and daddy calls your name. He gets your attention very easily and you want to get closer so you lift your stubby leg and swing it forward, steadying yourself with the heel of your foot. Closer and closer. And then the next leg. Your first steps.

Elementary school approaches. 'What is that?' You think to yourself. Mommy and daddy made it seem fun and full of new adventures. You weren't scared. The night before the first day of pre-k you were getting first day jitters and your mom tucked you into bed, read you a story and bid you goodnight. The next day you get up bright and early and before it's time to go in, you let a few tears slip from your eyes and down your chubby cheeks. You're going to miss home and being with mommy and daddy all day long but you lifted your head up high and walked inside.

Maddy and April. They were great first friends. You ran around the playground as you chased them in a game of tag. The twins giggled in delight and they twisted and dodged your attempts to touch them while playing a game of tag. They remembered your birthday! Maddy gave you a box wrapped in colorful paper; it was a toy car, one you've wanted forever. How did she know that? Eh. April handed you a stuffed teddy bear—a customized stuffed bear that had 'Happy Birthday' scribbled across the heart he was holding in his hand and the date on his foot. First friends were never forgotten.

Middle school. It's daunting and nothing compared to what teachers in elementary school described it as. The periods were scattered and super short, you had to find your way around on your own, your 'friends' found new friends.

But.

The little girls and the little boys in previous school years never had your attention, not the way he did. He held his books against his chest and smiled at all of his friends as he passed them in the hallways, and you couldn't help but admire the way his teeth shined in the bright lights that illuminated the building, or the way his blue-green eyes sparkled with that happiness and joy. Your heart fluttered at the thought of him being yours. Your first crush was unexpected, especially since he was a boy, and you were also a boy. How could that be?

Faggot, worthless, piece of shit, what didn't they call you? Stupid, waste of space, bitch, mommies boy. You've heard it all. Queer, tranny. You didn't get it. They were saying all of these things and none of them even knew your last name. Kill yourself, slit your wrists. What was so wrong about feeling attracted to someone of the same gender? You started to believe what they were saying, but you were raised better than that. It didn't stop you from doing something so stupid. First bullying experience led to the first suicide attempt.