Can I Be Him? - James Arthur - {kellic}

82 7 20
                                    

I heard there was someone but I know he don't deserve you
If you were mine I'd never let anyone hurt you
I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips
It's all that I've been thinking about
'Cause a light came on when I heard that song
And I want you to sing it again

~~

I watched as they held hands.

It pained me to continue watching as he giggled into his shoulder, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. When Jaime told me that Kellin and Oli were dating, my heart suddenly stopped beating. It felt like I had been stabbed over and over

again.

I didn't want it to be true because, despite me hating to admit it to myself, I was madly in love with Kellin Quinn.

We didn't talk much, I was always a bundle of nerves, but I quickly started feeling weird around him. His smile— his

his
smile.

It was strange. I could immediately bring up every memory that we shared together and I could've sworn that he felt the same way. That he loved me as much as. .  .

as much as I loved him.

I felt a grip on my shoulder. I didn't bother averting my gaze. I already knew who it was. "I'm sorry," he whispered. I wanted to turn around and have him hold me. I wanted someone to comfort me. No, I wanted Kellin to comfort me. He was all I wanted and even then, I guess that was too much to ask for.

"Can— Can you take me home?" My voice wavered. I glanced back at Jaime as he nodded. He brushed his thumb against my cheek, wiping away the stray tears.

"Yeah."

He took my books from my arms and guided me to his car. I quickly got inside and leant against the door once I had shut it. I stared out the window, allowing my mind to drift into unwanted territory. I was glad that it was our last day of school because that meant I would no longer have to see Kellin and Oli together.

It also meant that I would have time to let myself fall deeper into this heartbreak.

I felt so, so weak

I hated Kellin for making me feel this way about him. He was so flawless and he was perfect and beautiful, he was also daunting—talking to him was a dream, but also a nightmare. I could only imagine the anxiety.

I wanted him. I wanted him. I wantedhim. I wantedhim. I wantedhim. Iwantedhim. IwantedhimIwantedhimIwantedhi—

"Vic?" Jaime spoke up, unintentionally pulling me from my thoughts. I looked at him, quizzically. "A-are you okay?"

He nodded and added a forced smile. "Never better, Himes."

"You don't have to—"

"I know! I know, but I want to because it makes it hurt less, alright? He doesn't deserve my tears, but I cannot help it! My heart pounds when he's near, my stomach flips when he looks at me, I shake when he touches me! I-I can't help loving him, Jaime, I can't!"

Tears, once again, streamed down my face. I quickly wiped them away with the sleeves of my worn hoodie.

Jaime sighed, resting his hands on the steering wheel. What could he do to help his best friend feel better? Nothing, there was nothing that he could ever do or say to relieve me of this pain.

the constant
fucking
pain

It was probably torture for him to see me like this over someone who most certainly didn't deserve it. He'd never known me to be heartbroken like this, which only meant that maybe he'd see that I truly loved him.

"I gotta go. I'll see you later," I mumbled, gathering my things before jumping out of the car. "Thanks."

I shut the door and hurried inside to the safety of my house. I slid down against it and cried into my knees, my breath hitching with every heave. It hurt physically.

my body ached
my heart pounded
my cheeks stained

i don't want to be in love.

~~

he stayed still, completely still, staring at the distance between him and the house. he tried to wrap his mind around what the boy had that he didn't, was his popularity? his small frame? his laugh? his hair? whatthefuckwasit?

his knuckles were turning white from his tight grip. he wanted him to see.

he wanted him to see that kellin didn't deserve vic.

he wanted him to see that there was someone who cherished vic more than anything.

and that someone was jaime.

~~

{i was tagged by donttelljayme to write a one shot based off the first song that comes on in shuffle. it was fun, so i tag 0Kellic0 to give it a shot!}

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