Empress Natsume ✓

XIX

"Milady, you have to get up and eat"

"I'm full"

"No, you're not"

Ayano insisted and tried to yank the blanket off of me but I have a good hold on it.

"Oh please... Are you going to starve yourself to death? You haven't eaten dinner and now you also don't want to eat breakfast?"

I didn't answer her and stayed silent.

"What's wrong with you?"

That's right. What's wrong with me? Why am I making it a big deal? Why did I feel like... like--I'm emotionally hurt, thinking that it's unfair.

Shouldn't I be rushing to him, kneeling and asking for his forgiveness just like a virtuous good loving wife to him?

But he didn't want to hear my side. He shouted at me, hitted me, pushed me, said insulting words at me. What's more? Is he doubting my loyalty to him?

Why am I thinking this way? Am I prideful? If I continued being this way, I will lose him. He might send me away and marry another gorgeous girl that can satisfy him and she will be considered as his first wife and me as his denounced and divorced wife. What will happen to our village and my family's honor then?

Why can't I just face him?

I gripped the blanket and banged my head on the ground.

"Natsume you Dumb. Dumb. Dumb"

Ayano quickly grabbed and yanked my shoulder to stop me

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Maybe?"

Ayano stared at my bruised right cheek

"What happened back there?"

I looked at the ground to avoid her stare, she sighed and grabbed the chair nearby to sit on it.

"Never mind, I think I already know without you telling me. It's about the rumours... is it?"

I keep silent.

"So you're like... throwing a tantrum now?"

"I'm not!!!"

Ayano shook her head at me

"Why so defensive? Look, I'm glad that you're still the same Natsume that I know, you don't need to act all matured like a grumbling ninety years old grandmother, you're just fourteen years old, it's not bad to be yourself but--"

I raised my head at her with my eyebrows twitched.

"I thought that it was okay to be myself?"

"But there are things that you must consider, you're still lucky that his lordship just gave you a little bruise"

She pointed at my right cheek

"He judged me! It was just rumours and he hitted and yelled at me!"

I buried my face on the pillow, feeling so frustrated.

"You of all people should know what's the punishment of a wife who cheated his husband and breached his rules. Don't you?"

"I'm not cheating on him! It was just a rumour for goodness' sake and he chose to believed it than his wife!"

She shook her head again

"I'm not trying to judge you because I know that you don't have any forbidden relationship with the general aside from being your bodyguard and maybe you're just friends? But it doesn't change the fact that you followed Lord General Izumi outside of the palace gate and 'alone' at that, whether you're not talking about love with each other and just said farewell. You're still alone with him and you breached his lordship's rule that you're not allowed to go outside yet. And may I remind you what happened to your cousin-in-law?"