Empress Natsume ✓

XXXVII

The Sakura trees are still blooming and its petals are falling beautifully on the ground. I was wearing a light yellow kimono that Lord Ryuu gave me, my hair is unusually not pinned on my head. Ayano braid it for me instead, she arrived at the South Valley under my order. As usual, she started nagging at me for exposing myself in danger 'again'.

But I can see in her eyes that she's really proud of what I did, she even smiled and laughed after her naggings, strange is she?

The city state that was forayed by the enemy is now being renovated, with that many workers, I'm sure that it will be done in a month instead of months.

Everything is going back to normal, everyone's anxiousness about the war faded. They all seems happy and cheerful again, including their surroundings. I wish I could be like them, this past few days, I became more worried and anxious as time goes by.

People may forgot their burdens and problems temporarily, not me though. There's a lot of things that I'm worrying about. My husband who will declare himself as a king and me as his queen when we get back to the palace, the war, the states, and most of all... my child. My conversations with General Izumi last week before we left that city state is still bothering me.

"What is it?"

I asked him when we stepped outside, we're now in another tower that is opposite from where my husband is sleeping. The general didn't speak for a while and stared at the distance.

"I knew from the very beginning when I first saw you here that there's something that has changed in your appearance..."

What is he talking about?

"I don't know if you're a late bloomer or what--"

Does he mean that I became more beautiful now? The general sounds so serious and it sounds like there's a meaning behind his words. Don't tell me... I pray to the gods that this remain hidden. Please... don't let him say it.

"Abort it"

My hand instantly flew on his face. His head was tilted at the impact of my slap. I was heaving in anger... how could he say that?

"How... how dare you?!"

He looked at me with a blank expression and leaned on the wall.

"Don't make this anymore difficult, abort it while it's still--"

I slap him again and this time, I got an expression from him, anger. My hand became numb. Of all the people who would say that... why is it have to be him?

"Do you know the consequence of it? If you let that thing live in this world, he'll bring nothing but calamities"

"How did you know that?! He's not even born yet! This child is my flesh and blood and not a 'thing'"

With clenched hands, I was preparing myself to punch him if he says another bad word about my child, but he just sighed, rubbing his temple and calmly talked.

"Look... I know that it's hard but you have to understand, Natsume. That child is yours and Lord Ryuu, there's no doubt about it and it's exactly because of that reason that you must abort it. Your child may be born as a human. However, he has a demon soul and heart, tinted and impure, that will eventually consume his remaining humanity. It is the consequence of going against death, you knew of it now, don't you?"

I put another stone on the top of a piled rocks that I've been building for hours, it was tall enough that it reached my waist. Before I could stand up and pray, the stone on the top fell and rolled down the ground, followed by the other stones until it was completely destroyed. It seems like everything in my life is not going well, how did I came into this worst situation anyway? I let out a heavy breath and crouched to build it again.