Into the Dark (Completed)

Chapter 23

           

Heartbreak sucks.

Especially when your ex-but-not-really-because-we-were-never-actually-together hangs out with your only friends. I ended up not telling Jackson about Tate being a double-agent.

I hate him. Oh god, I hate him with all my heart, but I can't put his life in danger.

It's been only a week, but it feels like so much longer. Tate hasn't tried to approach me.

After brushing off the other guys multiple times, they have started to leave me alone. I think Tate must have said something to them because they were not that persistent, considering they were supposed to care about me.

Marie has been missing from school for the past couple days. To be honest, it doesn't affect me. It's not like she was talking to me anyway. I can't bring myself to even care anymore. If she does not want to be in my life, it's her loss. After chasing after her like a loyal dog for so long, I am just done. For now, at least. 

I sat by myself in a crowded cafeteria. My earbuds were in my ears, but I wasn't listening to any songs. They were muffling the voices of everyone around me. The muffled sound was strangely peaceful.

I can't help but wish I was stronger. I wish I could just stomp over to a random guy and kiss him while giving the middle finger to Tate. I wish I could slap him and call up my father and curse him out. Not that I have my father's phone number.

This isn't me. I'm supposed to be feisty. I'm supposed to not take anyone's bullshit.

I could feel Tate's eyes burning a hole in my back from across the room.

This is why I don't let anyone in. People make me weak. I stood up and dumped my tray in the trash. I refused to be that weepy girl in the corner for a minute longer. My pride just won't allow it. I stormed out of the room. I just need time to regroup.

I left school. I'm sure at this point, I'll be lucky if I even graduate in a few weeks. I didn't feel like going home, so I went to the public library. With everything going on with the guys coming to Jenson, Ohio in the beginning of the year, I never applied to any colleges.

I am impulsive. I make major decisions off the top of my head. I booted up one of the ancient computers and applied to the local community college. Admissions for four-year schools were long over, but it's about time that I start planning for my own future. I'm going to make my own decisions.

My entire senior year has been manipulated by criminals. Prom is tonight, and I never even thought about going. It's too late now. I don't have a ticket. I was going to try experience the stereotypical senior year. I missed out on all of that.

Now, it's time that I become my own person again.

When I left the library hours later, I felt so much better about myself. I walked home as the sun went down. For the first time in a while, I felt hopeful about what is to come. My happiness should not depend on people. It should depend on myself. I need to start taking responsibility for things and stop blaming everyone around me.

I knocked on my landlord's front door.

She opened the door and the smell of homemade food radiated out of her home. "Ms. Ludwig?"

"Hi, Margret." I smiled at her. "I want to let you know that I am moving out of my apartment at the end of the month."

She furrowed her brows. "Is everything okay, sweetie?"

"Yes. I am really okay for once. I just need to move on from a lot that has happened, and I think that a new apartment would be helpful in that." I don't know why I felt the need to explain this to her, but I did nevertheless.