Every Day [Bechloe Fan Fiction]

26) The One Where Apologies Are Made

It was a long time before Beca found the strength to pull herself up off the floor and make her away back to the sidewalk. Her whole body ached and all she wanted to do was go home. But she didn't have the strength to do that either.

Chloe was behind that door. She was so close, but so untouchable. It made Beca feel sick and unstable. She gripped Chloe's fence, breathing heavily with her head bent over.

Despite this, her eyes still peeked out from under her hair, focusing hard on that red door. A red door that, after today, she might never see again. The though made her feel physically sick. She knew she couldn't cope.

Would this nightmare never end?

"Hey? Do I know you?"

A voice called out from behind Beca. Her whole body physically froze. No. It couldn't be. Not now.

She knew that voice. She could recognise it anywhere. Slowly she turned away from the door, facing the other side of the road instead.

On the sidewalk stood somebody she hadn't seen in years. She had been dreading this meeting since the day she left Barden 10 years ago. And she certainly wasn't ready now.

The person watched her calculatedly, hands on hips - dog lead looped casually through one hand, while the black pug plonked itself next to its over. 

"I knew it! What are you doing in this neighborhood? I never thought I'd run into you again."

Beca pointed over her shoulder with her thumb, her throat was too dry to speak. She shook with anxiety. What were her chances of running away successful? Not very high, she concluded. Not in this state.

But that wasn't why she was here. The whole point of coming all the way down here was the opposite of running. It was finding. And, most importantly, apologising.

"I came to say...sorry..." She said softly, her voice cracking with every word.

"Clearly not to me. Or I wouldn't have to bump into you to get one."

"No, Jesse..." Beca whispered, finally looking into the eyes of her ex boyfriend. "Especially to you. I just hadn't worked out what to say. I'm not ready yet."

The hurt on Jesse Swanson's face softened. He sighed, using the moment to take in Beca. Her messy hair and bloodshot eyes weren't a good sign. Not to mention her physically shaking - something the Beca Mitchell he had known never did.

"You've had almost ten years to get ready, Beca." Jesse pointed out softly, giving her a knowing look. Beca sighed, straightening up to look at him properly.

He was wearing dark blue jeans, black converse trainers, a plain white top and a black leather jacket. The look was basic but cool, in an effortless sort of way. His hair was also darker than Beca remembered - she humourously hoped that it was dyed in an effort to hide grey hairs, it had been 10 years after all.

Yet, despite Jesse's updated look, his eyes and smile were still the same. Just as friendly, just as open, just as warm. It was comforting to see someone who was still the same person Beca used to know so well. The same person who had made Beca believe in ending, just for a little while.

"I know and I'm sorry," Beca said​, trying to sound  strong. "I wasn't expecting to come back. I thought I'd moved on, in a way. But I haven't. And I can't until I apologise to everyone I've hurt. And you're top of that list," Beca said pleadingly. Jesse looked over Beca's shoulder to the house behind her.

"Top after Chloe," he said. "As usual." Beca looked at him fearfully, but was relieved to find that he was smiling.

"After Chloe," she confirmed, blushing but smiling too. His smile always was infectious. "I'm sorry."

Jesse laughed, strolling across the road towards her. Beca flinched, unable to control her anxiety. Jesse raised an eyebrow, clearly noticing, but said nothing.

"Don't worry, I'd want you to apologise to her first too. You messed her up a lot more than you messed me up," he said, standing beside her. Beca winced, looking back at Chloe's door.

Jesse looked at her, trying to suss her out. Beca tried not to look at him. She wanted to delay the dreadful story of why she left for as long as possible. But she knew it was coming. Jesse wasn't one for beating around the bush.

"Why did you cheat on me, Beca?" Jesse asked quietly. Beca jumped; a worse question than she had been expecting. Jesse saw her horror and shrugged. "I always said if I ever saw you again that would be the first thing I'd say."

She paused, trying to gather her thoughts. He looked at her patiently. There was no anger in his eyes. She was almost annoyed by it. Jesse had always been a better person than she had been.

"Because I thought that you didn't want to be with me anymore," Beca admitted guiltily. "You weren't answering your phone... I know we hadn't broken up, but in my mind we had. And that hurt me. I guess I just wanted it to hurt you too. I realised that we were together and loved each other because we were familiar to each other, not because we were still in love. I know that's no excuse for what I did, but it's the reason... And when I realised I was falling for- for Chloe, I didn't even think about it, I just did it..." Beca was almost sobbing all over again. Jesse watched her, not knowing what to say. In his three years of dating Beca, he had never seen her like this. It was almost frightening.

"I tried to tell you," Beca continued. "So many times... I phoned you and it went to answer machine; that was when I told myself I was really gonna do it, I was really gonna come clean. I didn't want to tell you on a message, I couldn't do that to you... I still cared about you, Jesse... Then it all go so crazy with the Worlds, and everything got so messed up... I know none of this is any excuse for what happened-"

"Beca," Jesse cut her off. Grabbing her upper arm firmly in his own strong hand. "It's fine. We were kids, you made a mistake. At least you're apologising for it now."

Beca breathed a sigh of relief, thanking him profusely for his kindness. He smiled at her, chuckling at her clear anxiety. There were tears falling freely from her eyes, a weight raising up off her shoulders in front of his very eyes. He could barely bare to look at Beca.

"So are you going to tell me why you left?" Jesse asked after Beca had started regaining some composure, cutting straight through her relief. She nodded firmly, reminding herself that this should be easier to explain than the last question.

"Yes. Definitely."

"Great. Come on then," Jesse smiled, looping his arm through Beca's and beginning to walking down the street, dog in tow. Beca winced, wriggling in him arm. Jesse paid her no attention.

"What? Where are we going?" Beca asked, confused.

"You do have a good reason for skipping town for ten, right?" Jesse asked, ignoring her question.

"Yes." Beca promised.

"Great," Jesse grinned. "Then lets go to my place."