Crazy In Love With You [BOYXBOY][Completed]

Chapter 7: Jonathan

Two weeks have passed by, simula nung napa-away ako sa apat na lalaking iyon. At sa loob ng dalawang linggo na ‘yon, I still thinking about what James have been told me. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin mai-proseso ng aking isip ‘yung sinabi niya saakin.

Why so easy for him to considered me as his friend? Without knowing who I really am. Ganun na lamang ba siya kabilis magtiwala sa mga taong nasa paligid niya? I don’t get him. It makes me crazy to think his words.

“Wala ‘yon. ‘Wag mong isipin na malaking abala ka saakin. Tsaka we’re friends now. Whether you liked it or  not. Kaya ‘wag mo nang iisipon na naiistorbo mo ko.”

This were the lines that James told me. Paano niya nagawa ang ganun kabilis na pagtitiwala saaakin? We are both strangers. We did not know each other.

It sounds gay but it’s true. I admit it, I have those friends. They are my friends when it comes doing crazy things. Yeah. They are my friends pero hindi pa rin ako nakakasiguro kung totoo ngaa ba sila saakin. The real friends are—‘yung tutulungan ka sa oras ng kagipitan. Ipapa-alala sa ‘yo ‘yung mali mo. ‘Yung kaibigan na they are not tolerating those wrong deeds na ginawa mo.

When it comes to James. May isang tao akong naalala. He was my friend. A childhood friend to be exact. We used to talked when we were young. But now, everything had changed. Wala na akong kahit na anong communication sa kaniya.

I was just reminisced. Naalala ko kung paano kami nag-uusap na dalawa. We’re both young during that time. Maybe that we were 15 years old then. Siya ang kaisa-isa at kauna-unahang kaibigan na itinuring ko. Parang kapatid na nga ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

Naalala ko pa na he made his promised that he always stay beside me. Na lagi niya akong sasamahan sa lahat ng gagawin at pangarap ko sa buhay. He used to say that he always supports me. But, look what happened. All of the sudden, everything had fallen. Everything had changed. He was the one who broken up his own promised.

Masakit man isipin that we already loss our friendship. We loss each other. Umalis siya sa tabi ko na hindi ko man lang alam ang dahilan niya. He left me hanging without giving him any reasons to leave. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya ginawa iyon. O, kung may nagawa ba akong mali na nagawa.

Pero wala akong maisip na puwede niyang maging rason para gawin niya ‘yon. Sobra akong nasaktan sa ginawang pag-alis at pag-iwan saakin ni Avin sa ere. Akala ko pa naman ay tutuparin niya ang mga pangako niya sa akin. But I was wrong.

As I have mentioned, hindi lang isang kapatid o kaibigan ang turing ko kay Avin. I felt liked I was in love with him. It was so sudden nang biglang mag-iba ang nararamdaman ko sa kaniya. I felt like we were both happy kapag magkasama kaming dalawa. I admitted that fact. I was eventually fallen in love with him without telling him about it. Ayoko lang masira ang samahan naming dalawa nang dahil lang sa nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.

And I know that falling in love with the same sex, is a sin. Kaya simula nung naramdaman ko iyon ay gumawa ako ng isang paraan para mawala iyon. I was just go with the flow method. But, what have had happened when Avin left me, kasabay rin ng kaniyang pagkawala ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.

I’m still reminiscing the scenes that Avin was with me during those times. I’m so really missed him so much.

Minutes have passed, dito kaami dinala nang aming mga paa mula sa paglalakad namin mula sa lugar kung saan kami nakatira ni Avin. Isa itong magandang pasyalan mula sa aming bayan. Maraming tao, may mga bata ring naglalaro at naghahabulan. May mga magpamilya ring masayang namamasyal at nakaupo sa damuhan kasama ang kanilang mga mahal sa buhay. Naputol lamang ang aking ginagawang paglilibot nang biglang magsalita si Avin.

“Jonathan, nagustuhan mo ba?” Masaya nitong pagtatanong saakin.

“Oo naman. Nagutuhan ko ito ng sobra. Ang saya nga rito, e. Ang sarap pagmasdan ng mgaa taong narito dahil bakas sa kanila ang saya sa mga mukha nila.” Pagsagot ko kay Avin habang patuloy ako sa paglibot ng aking mata mula sa mga taong narito sa Park.

“Maburi naman at nagustuhan mo ito. Tara! Magpunta tayo dun.”

“Upo tayo.” Masayang sabt nito. Kaya naman agad akong umupo at tumabi rito.

“Sana hindi pa ito ang huli nating pagpunta sa lugar na ito.” Napatingin naman ako sa kaniya. Tila ba makahulugan ang kaniyang salita. Kaya naman tinanong ko ito kung bakit ganun ang kaniyang sinabi. Ngunit ang tanging sagot na nakuha ko lamang ay natural na sagot niya.

“Huh? Bakit? ‘Di ba sabi mo, lagi nating pupuntahan ang lugar na ito. Na lagi tayong tatambay sa Park na ito dahil nakakagaan sa loob.”

“Oo naman. Lagi natin itong gagawin. Tulad ng promise ko sa ‘yo. Mas dadalasan pa natin ang pagpunta sa lugar na ito. Jonathan, no matter what happens, I will always be here for you. ‘Wag mong iisipin na lagi kang nag-iisa because you have me. Mahal kita. Mahal kita not just as friend or brother. But also and I think, I love you more than that. Lagi mong tatandaan ‘yan, Jonathan.”

I was so innoncent during that time. I never thought that Avin would left me. All I know that he was true to his words, but it didn’t. He made his promise but he was the one who broke it.

After I reminisced the past I had with Avin. I don’t know what would’ve I acted if ever we meet each other again. I don’t know what I suppose to act then.

Galit. Tuwa. Pananabik. I don’t know.

Bahala na. But for now, hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko kapag nagkita kaming muli ni Avin.

Narito ako sa likod na bahagi ng aming University. Wala na kaming klase kaya napag-isipan ko na pumunta muna rito at magpahangin. I don’t wanna go home so early. Gusto kong mapag-isa at mapag-isip-isip muna.

I’m just started to asks myself. Am I not happy? Bakit parang iba ang laman ng isipan ko. Even my body won’t do cooperate with what my mind says. Do I have something in me that I should know. Bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko, hindi naman ako ganito noon. I think, it was just a flashback where I could reminisce tha past I had with him.