All Over Again • a Lexa/You Fanfiction

twenty-four » again

The fire was burning bright and high. I remembered the sky was clear, the sun shining down on our backs as we watched our friend burn away. It was almost laughable with how lovely a day it was. Easy to see the grey smoke curling upwards, taking my friend with it.

We were holding a cremation for Deka. There were others, too, but I was here for Deka. She had no family, so it was just me. A few other grounders had paid their respects, but otherwise it was only me standing here, waiting for the fire to burn out.

A few days had passed since we'd beat Mount Weather. The Sky People and the Grounders had no common enemy anymore, but they still agreed to work together. I was sure the Sky People and the Grounders were working out a deal for what to do with the remainder of the mountain – I wasn't really paying attention. Mourning was first, then celebration, I guess.

Aside from those who unfortunately lost their lives, everyone else made it out okay. Harmed, but alive. Raven was practically traumatised, but Clarke was helping her through it. I was just glad she'd made it...

I still couldn't get over Deka being gone. One day she was alive and well and I finally had her back, then the next she was gone. Trying to protect me and my friends. I kept replaying her death in my head as I watched the fire burn bright. I tried to find an alternative. Maybe if I had moved faster... but nothing would bring her back. And I was trying to face that fact.

I heard the crunch of leaves from beside me, but I didn't need to turn to know it was Clarke. I could see her blonde hair glowing in the sun in my peripheral.

"I didn't know Deka for a long time," she spoke softly, as if I would break down any second, "but for the time I did, I learnt she was good. She didn't deserve this."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as I watched the embers flickering from the fire. "I know."

There was a silence between Clarke and I for a moment. I felt her eyes studying me, and I even heard her open her mouth, about to speak, but she decided not to. I was grateful. Instead, she squeezed my hand gently before leaving me alone.

Clarke was a good person. She kept her people safe, and she was sorting through the consequences of everyone's actions. She was strong. I envied her strength. Her willpower. Her resilience to go on. Because the longer I stared at the fire before me, the fire that was growing smaller and smaller the longer I waited, the more I wanted to break down and give up.

I closed my eyes and breathed out shakily. I love you, Deka. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe. When I opened my eyes, a tear escaped. I pursed my lips to stop myself from giving in. I'd cried too much these past few days.

"I'm sorry, Deka," I said, but my voice broke mid-sentence. "I should have tried harder."

I wasn't expecting a response, but I did notice the fire waver on one side for a second. It was small, but I couldn't help but think it was Deka, somehow responding. I didn't know what she was trying to say.