[ ✓ ] 𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐀 , seho .

nineteen

nineteen

SEHUN FOUND HIMSELF WAKING UP to the same constant vibration of his phone on his nightstand, a lot like the night Jongin showed up at his door with a dying Yixing with him. As Sehun checked the time, he felt a solemn wave of nostalgia overcome him as he remembered the night Yixing died in his own driveway. Just by the earliness and eighty-three messages from Junmyeon, Sehun knew this situation couldn't be anything good.

Along with texts came voicemails. Sehun didn't want to listen to them. He didn't want to hear Junmyeon either cry or panic—he had heard enough of that. But the way Junmyeon spoke over the speaker was much worse than crying or panicking.

"Sehun, please answer me. I need you, I need you, god, I really need you," Junmyeon's panting voice spoke on the voicemail, only one of several that had yet to be heard by Sehun. The nerves in his stomach started to lose control, causing him to suddenly feel queasy. Luckily enough, the messages and voicemails had only been from three minutes ago. Junmyeon couldn't have gone far within three minutes.

He immediately texted Junmyeon back.

What's going on? where are you? text me back!!!!

It took about a millisecond for Junmyeon to reply.

just come outside

Sehun searched his messy room for a somewhat-clean t-shirt, eventually finding a blue long sleeve shirt he had worn only a few days before. He quickly but quietly made his way down the steps, shuffling through the house and out the side door in the garage.

The freezing concrete felt numbing beneath Sehun's feet. Once he saw the tear-stained face of Junmyeon, he couldn't help but feel horrible.

"Jun, what's the matter?" Sehun walked quickly towards Junmyeon, immediately taking the older's body into his arms. Junmyeon sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Sehun maneuvered his arms to muffle Junmyeon's cries. The older had been breathing in and out rather quickly. The patterns of his breaths started to worry Sehun.

"Talk to me, please. I'm here, okay?"

He cried harder. "It's not okay, my god, it's never gonna be okay." Junmyeon struggled to escape Sehun's arms, until the younger let him go. Junmyeon faced away from Sehun, burying his face in his hands. He kneeled onto the concrete. Sehun watched and felt his heart shatter.

"Come inside, it's too cold out here." Sehun helped Junmyeon stand. Junmyeon covered his face with one hand, the other hooked through Sehun's arm. He tried to stop his crying the closer they got to the house. Inside, Sehun led Junmyeon to the couch in the living space. Junmyeon just sat and let his head collapse into his hands.

Sehun didn't say anything, but instead, just lay on the sofa while Junmyeon rested on top of him and cried. The older would occasionally mumble phrases, but his sobbing made it so Sehun couldn't make out his words. He didn't really want to know what was troubling Junmyeon—his heart had already been breaking just seeing him so sad. He wanted to heal Junmyeon of all the pain he had been feeling, but he knew he couldn't. It was too much for him to take care of.

An hour went by of Sehun just stroking Junmyeon's hair and trying to get him to calm down. It eventually worked after almost three hours. Junmyeon had stopped his bawling.

But he wouldn't even look at Sehun. He just stared at the ground before him. Sehun continued to try getting it out of him—what he had done—but after several minutes of coaxing, Sehun understood that Junmyeon just wouldn't talk.

"You need to rest," Sehun told Junmyeon. It was two o'clock now. He thought if Junmyeon would just sleep, he'd feel better in the morning, or he'd at least stop his weeping.

The two walked up the steps and into Sehun's room. Sehun turned on the lamp, but kept the ceiling light off. Junmyeon took off his jacket and sat down on the end of the bed. Sehun took a seat next to him.

"I don't know what's going on, but just remember that I love you. And I'm always here. I'm not going anywhere. Okay?" Sehun told Junmyeon as he tightly held the older's hand. Junmyeon nodded slowly. Sehun kissed his forehead. "Let's get some sleep, okay? We'll talk in the morning."

The two settled beneath the covers, Sehun wrapping his arms around Junmyeon from behind. The older cradled himself in a comfortable position before closing his eyes.

"Sehun," Junmyeon whispered. "Will you play some music?"

Sehun played some music.

He turned on one of his favorite songs—Saturn by Sleeping At Last.

Soft, slow strings started out the song. It sounded rather depressing, which just weighed on Junmyeon even more.

As the instrumental music played, Sehun would plant soft and slow kisses on Junmyeon's neck and shoulders—the same shoulder that had been cut up and scabbing from the hit he took from his dad's beer bottle. The area was still sensitive, but the scabs beginning to form made the leisures less sore to the touch.

You taught me the courage of stars.

Sehun intertwined his fingers with Junmyeon's. He squeezed the older's hand. "Don't forget that you have me. I'm here." A kiss on Junmyeon's neck.

How light carries on endlessly.

Junmyeon felt tears coming back. "But..." he trailed on, his voice timid and quiet. Sehun brushed the older's forearm and waited for Junmyeon to continue. "I don't really know if you have me."

Sehun didn't know what he meant.

"Of course I have you," he reassured. Junmyeon wiped his face as a tear fell. He couldn't stop replaying what he had just done. He couldn't stop imagining what would happen to him if he got caught. All the possibilities horrified him to where he just couldn't stop crying.

Sehun pulled gently on Junmyeon's shoulder, motioning for the boy to turn around. Junmyeon slowly rolled over, showing Sehun his face once again. It had red patches all over from trying to hold in his tears. Sehun wiped the boy's cheeks and combed his hair back.

How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

"Junmyeon," Sehun started before pausing to look at his face. "I could help you if you'd just talk to me. Tell me what's going on, you know?"

Junmyeon shook his head as another tear fell. He turned away from Sehun. "Just let me sleep."

Sehun watched as Junmyeon settled back in his original position. He let out a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing as he did so. Sehun felt himself break even more.

I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time, that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.

"I love you, Junmyeon. So much."