[ ✓ ] 𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐀 , seho .

thirty four

thirty four

THERE ARE ONLY CERTAIN TIMES Junmyeon could see Sehun. Not only because of the strict rules the rehabilitation center enforced, but because most of the time, Sehun didn't want to see him. On his good days, a visit from Junmyeon would make him that much happier. But good days didn't come very often.

Junmyeon would ask the same question every time.

"Are you doing okay?"

Today, Sehun decided to answer more detailed than normal.

"I keep remembering the bad things. I remember Yixing and I remember Jongin. I remember Sehyeon, too. So no. I'm not doing okay."

Today, Junmyeon couldn't hold Sehun's hand. Not when he was upset.

Sehun looked at the ground. He seemed to do that often. It made Junmyeon feel worthless, knowing he couldn't do anything to get him to pick his head up again. He couldn't get him to smile—not even once. Not even a laugh. Nothing, Junmyeon couldn't heal Sehun the way Sehun healed him.

"I wish I could help you," Junmyeon said hopelessly. Sehun sighed. He stood up from the dining table, walking towards the living area of the rehab center. The area was empty at that moment, except for a guard who stood in front of the doors. Sehun sat himself on the couch.

"Don't beat up Jongin. That will help not only me, but you. You don't understand what he can do to someone. Not just him, but the people he knows."

Junmyeon made his way to where Sehun sat. A nervous feeling—a familiar sensation—overcame him again. He felt this same thing the last time Jongin spoke to him. You're gonna regret that. The words repeated in his head over and over again.

"Sehun," Junmyeon stated blandly. Sehun looked at him. He didn't look amused. He looked mad. Junmyeon felt even more nervous now.

"What?" Sehun reassured with a stern voice after a long pause. Junmyeon was caught by surprise. Sehun looked at the floor again.

"I just want you to get better. At least try. For me," Junmyeon encouraged. Sehun stayed silent for a while. Junmyeon became more worried.

"Why should I do anything for you?" Sehun stood. "You left me in the dirt for two years. That's a long time, in case you weren't aware. And that whole time, I was practically killing myself. I was breaking, and you weren't there to mend me. So no. I'm not doing anything for you."

Sehun walked away. Junmyeon felt the tears form in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Junmyeon said, walking behind Sehun.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that an apology isn't enough to fix me. I'm sorry that I had a past with drugs. I'm sorry my best friend decided to get himself murdered. I'm sorry I was driven to the middle of nowhere to be nearly raped by someone who I thought I could trust. I'm really sorry that you could kiss me and love me one second, then just leave me the next."

Sehun was crying by now. And Junmyeon couldn't hold him to stop the tears.

"It just hurts too much," Sehun sobbed. A tear slipped from Junmyeon's eye. He quickly wiped it away as he inhaled a deep breath.

"It hurts watching you hurt," Junmyeon said as he stepped closer to Sehun. "Please. Tell me how I can help. I don't know if it will work, but I'm willing to try."

Sehun wiped his face, taking in a deep and shaky breath. He crossed his arms, looking at the ground. He sniffled a few times before speaking again.

"Just don't leave me again."

Junmyeon pulled Sehun into his arms. Sehun hugged back.

"I'm not gonna do that," Junmyeon reassured as Sehun buried his face between the older's neck and shoulder. Junmyeon felt the tears running from Sehun's eyes onto his collarbone. He stroked the younger's hair while he cried.

"I'm sorry I'm a terrible person," Sehun apologized. He lifted his head, but went right back to gazing into the wooden flooring.

"You're not a terrible person. You're strong. You know that, right?"

Sehun looked at Junmyeon. He had that look on his face. The look he wore as he watched Junmyeon get battered by his father. The look he wore as he watched Yixing die. The look he wore when he watched Junmyeon enter the train station. The look he wore as Jongin made him weaker. And in that moment, Junmyeon became weaker himself.

"If I were strong, I wouldn't be breaking right now."