[ ✓ ] 𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐀 , seho .

thirty five

thirty five

THERE WAS ONLY ONE TIME of day Sehun didn't hate, which was visitation time. Yeseul would come every other day, while Junmyeon would visit every day that he could. Except Sehun barely wanted to see either person. He often found his thoughts giving him more negativity rather than happiness, for the things in his head were almost always regarding the wrongs that had occurred in his life.

Today, though, more guilt had filled his mind rather than sadness. He figured seeing Junmyeon again would give him an opening to apologize.

It had shocked Sehun when Junmyeon entered the room looking rather calm. He thought after his meltdown the other day, Junmyeon would never step foot in the same room as him.

Sehun stayed quiet as Junmyeon took a seat in the desk chair across Sehun's bed. Junmyeon had a certain look on his face—one that Sehun had never seen before. It didn't come across as sad nor happy.

"I'm really sorry," Sehun said, breaking the painful silence in the room. Junmyeon looked up at Sehun with a surprised expression. Sehun began to worry when Junmyeon didn't speak for a while. "I didn't mean what I said. It's just been difficult, and I took it out on you. I'm really sorry."

Junmyeon looked at the ground as he pursed his lips. "You're allowed. Don't worry about it, okay?" He lifted his head again as he let out a deep breath. "I brought you something," Junmyeon commented as he sat on the bed next to Sehun. He pulled a pair of earbuds from the pocket of his jacket, placing one in Sehun's ear. The younger smiled as Junmyeon played one of Sehun's favorites, Burning Bridges. He remembered Sehun playing this one before.

Sehun looked at the ground and listened to the music that played through his ears. As he processed the lyrics, he felt more and more vulnerable. As if Junmyeon had been speaking to him through the lyrics.

You and I were meant to be, no doubt about it, no way to hide that sort of thing.

"Remember that roof?" Junmyeon laughed. "I think I spent more than ninety-percent of my teenage years up there."

Sehun bit his lip, holding back a smile. "You really did, didn't you," he question with a chuckle. Junmyeon nodded, looking at his lap.

"Imagine, if I never went up there everyday, I never would have met you."

Sehun nodded. "I think we could both be dead if we never met each other. With your dad, and my crazy friends. We'd both be screwed."

Junmyeon glanced at Sehun. He was smiling. He wore the contagious grin that Junmyeon hadn't seen in what felt like forever. It was a refreshing sight. Not only that, but it gave Junmyeon hope. Knowing Sehun could still feel happy—knowing he could smile—made him feel much more faithful.

"I wouldn't be as happy as I am now," Junmyeon added.

I want you to burn my bridges down.

Junmyeon watched Sehun. He could tell he was thinking deeply. His eyes drilled into the ground before him, and his hands were still in his lap. Junmyeon placed a hand on Sehun's back, startling the younger.

It became hard to read through Sehun's rock-hard expression. He didn't look happy, but he didn't look angry. Junmyeon didn't know whether he should continue to give Sehun the happy encouragements he rehearsed in his mind, or if he should just stay quiet.

He didn't have to once Sehun began to talk.

"How fucked up is it that I have to spend Christmas in rehab," Sehun chuckled as he shook his head. Junmyeon pursed his lips.

"They seem to be nice here. And plus, I'm gonna come see you. So is Yeseul, and maybe Eunmi and Dongchul. If that's okay with you," Junmyeon explained. The two looked at each other for a moment, until Sehun smiled and nodded.

"That'd make me happier," Sehun admitted. Junmyeon smiled, a little bit more than he should have. The thought of Sehun being happy made Junmyeon even happier.

"Is Yeseul okay?" he asked as he lifted his head. Junmyeon crossed his legs, looking at the carpet floor before him.

"She's okay. She's just preparing for when you can come home. She'll visit during Christmas." Junmyeon gave Sehun a small smile.

"Sometimes, I think she's sadder than me." Sehun crossed his arms. "She really loved Yixing."

Junmyeon looked at Sehun's hand. He wanted to hold it. The need to squeeze his long, limber fingers began to strengthen. Almost as much as he wanted to kiss Sehun's soft lips and touch his flawless skin. But, something held him back. The thought of Sehun lashing out, especially since the meltdown he had not long ago.

"Are you okay?" Sehun asked, indirectly looking at Junmyeon. The older didn't hesitate this time—he slipped his fingers in between Sehun's, holding tightly.

"Yeah. I'm okay. Are you?"

Sehun looked at the floor again. He chewed on a fingernail. Junmyeon didn't need a verbal answer to know that Sehun was not okay.

"I will be someday."