[ ✓ ] 𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐀 , seho .

thirty six

thirty six

THANKFULLY, SEHUN WAS in a much better place today than he had been in the past few weeks. It was the holidays, and Sehun would be able to see all the people he loved most at once, as if he were still home and healthy. But along with the holidays came the somber memories.

As Sehun watched the others decorate the open area of the center with tinsel, he remembered the one good Christmas he spent with Junmyeon and Yixing. He remembered how happy he felt back then. He remembered Yixing being alive. He remembered not being broken by Jongin.

But after Sehun's family arrived, smiles on their faces and presents in their hands, the sadness that had occupied Sehun's mind suddenly faded away.

Yeseul gave him a tight hug, which forced a laugh out of him. It made Sehun even more happy seeing Yeseul smile.

Junmyeon hugged Sehun as a greeting, which was a relief to the younger, for he didn't know if things could ever go back to the way they used to be. But for a moment, Sehun felt as if he were sixteen again, and Junmyeon hadn't left, and overall, they were happy.

It was only Eunmi and Dongchul who showed up after that.

As Yeseul went to talk to the other boys that were staying at the center, and Eunmi and Dongchul spoke with Sehun's counselors, Junmyeon and Sehun made themselves comfortable on the couch in the living space. Sehun tried to enjoy it—being there with Junmyeon—but it was difficult, as the same thoughts crept into his mind at an incomprehensible pace. As he looked out at the familiar view, he remembered telling Junmyeon the horrible things he had said, and as a Christmas tree stood in the middle of the room, he saw Yeseul and Yixing sitting beneath it. He saw Yixing's smile. Sehun remembered that he would never smile again.

Junmyeon could tell Sehun was falling into his head again, and immediately tried to distract him. "So you get to come home soon?"

Sehun looked at Junmyeon, snapping out of his deep thinking. "Y-yeah. I will be out of here soon enough." Sehun let out a chuckle as Junmyeon smiled.

"Maybe," Junmyeon began, grabbing Sehun's attention again. "Once you get out, you can come to where I stayed. You can see my apartment. You could meet the people I work with. You'd like it there."

Sehun nodded and smiled. His eyes were now glued on Junmyeon's hands that rested on his lap. He really wanted to hold them But, just like the last Christmas they spent together, there were people watching. And Sehun still didn't know if he could even dream of being close with Junmyeon again.

*

After the dinner shared with the families and their children, everyone went back to milling around, making conversations with each other and talking about whatever they had planned after rehab. Sehun didn't bother making friends with the others being treated, for he knew the friendship would be broken, whether it be because of their own addiction, or his toxic thoughts always invading his mind.

It had grown darker outside, and the clear sky gave a perfect outlet for the stars to shine brightly. As cold as it was outside, there were a few people hanging around the entrance of the building. Junmyeon and Sehun made their way out there for more privacy.

"I had to get you something," Junmyeon said as him and Sehun found an empty area near the side of the building. The structure was surrounded by clean hills of grass, which were now covered in snow. The ground seemed to glow at the reflection of the bright moon shining over the earth.

Sehun leaned against the concrete wall, immediately feeling as if all the attention had been directed towards him. As Junmyeon handed Sehun a box wrapped almost perfectly with blue paper. Sehun hesitated before opening it, for Junmyeon had been watching him with a close eye.

After ripping the layer of paper, there was a red box, one that looked somewhat familiar. Except this box was new, polished, and clean. Not beat up like the one Sehun had all those years.

Inside the box was exactly what he expected. It was his bracelet. The one he had given Junmyeon exactly three years ago on this very day. Except this bracelet was brand new. It was nearly blinding as the moonlight reflected off the silver band.

"I guess you could consider it an apology. And please, keep it this time." Junmyeon grinned as Sehun pursed his lips. "Do you like it?"

Sehun just nodded as he stared at the bracelet. "Thank you, Junmyeon."

Sehun couldn't concentrate in that moment, due to the deja vu that had overcome him. As the snow slowly fell and the cool temperatures sunk in, Junmyeon lightly grabbed Sehun's hand. His hand which had been shaking, either out of nerve or from the cold. His hand which was no longer a smooth, perfect canvas for holding. Junmyeon put the bracelet on, staring at Sehun's long fingers.

There was a painful silence, both exchanging their gazes between the ground and their hands which were lightly resting in each other's. Junmyeon glanced at Sehun, admiring his being.

His dark hair was even darker now. It loosely covered his head, yet still looked nearly-perfect. But Sehun had always been like that—perfect. Not only was his hair perfect in that moment, but the way his lips slightly curled into a smile was perfect, along with his perfectly chiseled jawline. Junmyeon realized he was staring the moment Sehun lifted his head again.

Sehun looked at Junmyeon, the same way he did when they first kissed, the same way he did on the roof during New Year's Eve, the same way he did during the Christmas they spent together. And for a single moment, Sehun looked happy. Healed. Healthy. Okay.

"Junmyeon," Sehun spoke with a questioning tone. The older suddenly held his hand tighter. Sehun let out a shaky breath. "Do you still love me?"

"Sehun," Junmyeon nearly-whispered. He felt the skin that touched his, and looked at Sehun's face, reassuring that this was him. Oh Sehun, standing before him. "I never stopped loving you. And I don't think I will."

Sehun didn't say anything. He just pressed his lips onto Junmyeon's, moving his hand to the older's face. Junmyeon's hands made their way to Sehun's waist. A smile began to form onto Sehun's lips as the warmth of Junmyeon's mouth enveloped his. Junmyeon detached his lips, smiling as Sehun caressed his face.

"Can we be together? Once I get out of here?" Sehun asked, still glaring into the ground, not wanting to Junmyeon to see his vulnerability.

Junmyeon smiled. "Yes." He placed his fingers beneath Sehun's chin, forcing the taller to lift his head again. Sehun raised his eyebrows once his gaze met Junmyeon's.

"You won't get to be my new year's kiss," Junmyeon commented as he ran his fingers through Sehun's dark locks. He looked at Sehun in his eyes, yet the younger seemed to be staring down Junmyeon's lips.

"I'm sorry," Sehun whispered. He softly touched Junmyeon's face, still gazing at his lips. "Once I get out, I'll make up all the new year's kisses we missed."

Junmyeon smiled to himself as he thought of kissing Sehun again. He imagined waking up to his perfection every day, coming home from work to find him in his own home, enjoying dinner together every day of the week, then falling asleep in his arms. It sounded like heaven to him.

Junmyeon grabbed Sehun's hand again, holding it tightly, letting out a quiet sigh. "It will be hard, but try to get better. Talk to your therapist, keep your mind clear, and just take care of yourself. Do it for Yeseul, do it for Yixing, do it for me. But most of all, do it for yourself. Okay?"

Sehun nodded. "Okay."