[ ✓ ] 𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐀 , seho .

twenty

twenty

JUNMYEON LOOKED LIFELESS AS HE stared at his image in the mirror. Sehun had his hands on the older's shoulders, looking down at his scalp. His hair was messy and unbrushed. Sehun combed through it as Junmyeon made himself more comfortable in the chair.

"Are you ready?" Sehun asked as he gently combed Junmyeon's hair. The boy nodded slowly. Then Sehun went to work.

As the younger covered every strand of Junmyeon's hair with the light dye, he felt himself begin to feel worse and worse. There was something truly wrong with Junmyeon now. After a long day of silence from Junmyeon, other than telling Sehun what he needed, the younger knew Junmyeon was running away. A train ticket. Money. Bleach. He was leaving, and he was going far away.

Once Junmyeon's hair was halfway done, he reached for Sehun's phone on the surface of the sink. He turned on Save Myself by Ed Sheeran.

Sehun felt his heart fall deeper and deeper into his stomach. What hurt him most was that Junmyeon was barely speaking to him. He wanted to know if he himself was the reason why Junmyeon was taking off—it was after the incident with his father that the older had started acting off. Sehun was convinced this was his own fault.

Junmyeon looked pressed once the majority of his hair was platinum blonde. It didn't look like Junmyeon sitting there in front of the mirror.

Sehun stepped out of the bathroom once he finished covering the boy's hair with the bleach. Junmyeon followed hesitantly. He sat himself in the chair that sat before a wooden desk. Silence occupied the two.

Sehun wanted to hold Junmyeon for as long as possible. He wanted to kiss him just because he didn't know when they'd be able to kiss again. He wanted to feel Junmyeon's fragile fingers between his own. And he just wanted to know why. Why Junmyeon was being so distant. Not only that, but why he was doing this. Why he was abandoning Sehun.

"I think you have to wash your hair now," Sehun told Junmyeon after several minutes of white noise. Junmyeon nodded and made his way back into the bathroom. Sehun let out a deep sigh when the shower began to run.

*

Junmyeon was in the shower for nearly an hour. Sehun had almost drifted off to sleep, but then he remembered that he would have to leave in just a few hours. Which also meant that was only a few hours left with Junmyeon.

Junmyeon lay himself next to Sehun. The drowsy younger almost didn't recognize him, for he was now light-haired. Sehun knew he would never get used to it.

There was even more silence. The only words being spoken were in their heads—Junmyeon saying, I'm sorry, I'm such a mess, I'm so sorry. Sehun saying, how dare you. Don't leave me. I told you not to leave me.

But instead of saying the words Junmyeon had been repeating in his head, he said, "I love you."

Sehun turned towards the older. He gave a small smile—a fake one, that is. Junmyeon intertwined his fingers with Sehun's, then placing a small kiss on his hand. Sehun couldn't look at Junmyeon anymore. He looked too broken. Too not Junmyeon. It bothered him.

"I love you more." Sehun breathed in deeply and slowly. He truly felt the need to cry. But he managed to hold back his tears.

"I'm really sorry, Sehun. I'll be okay," Junmyeon assured. He brushed his thumb against Sehun's cheekbone. The younger didn't respond.

"Yeah, but I don't think I will."

Junmyeon looked down at his lap, his hand slipping from Sehun's face to his chest. He could feel Sehun's slow but steady heartbeat.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Sehun sat up.

"Even pushing myself into your life. You're so much better off without me," Junmyeon explained. He rested his head against Sehun's chest. He wasn't breathing at first. Then the slow and deep breaths came back once the younger closed his eyes.
"

You never showed me what your favorite song was," Junmyeon pointed out, looking up at Sehun's face. That was his cue to pull out the phone and headphones. Junmyeon smiled as Sehun did so.

"Just listen, okay?" he instructed. Junmyeon nodded. They held hands, Sehun wrapping his unoccupied arm around Junmyeon's shoulders.

It started with the rich and soothing voice of a female, along with ambient chords and sounds in the background.

Sehun squeezed Junmyeon's fragile hand before planting soft kisses on his forehead.

You told me this is right where it begins.

Sehun remembered the roof. The first day. Junmyeon sitting on edge, the cool breeze that blew through the air—all of it.

And I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me.

Junmyeon looked at Sehun deeply in his eyes, trying to figure out what the boy had been saying in his head. Junmyeon knew Sehun was upset. This was really sudden. Sehun was young. He had feelings too. Junmyeon wasn't the only one hurting here in this situation.

I'm trying not to let it show that I don't wanna let this go, is there somewhere you can meet me?

Then, Junmyeon's thoughts drifted from Sehun to what things would be like without him. He wouldn't feel loved anymore. Overall, he'd be helpless. He'd have to find a way to put himself back to normal. He'd have to find a way to forget about Sehun, because if Junmyeon thought of him too much, he'd never get out of his sadness. He'd just miss Sehun too much.

I try to refrain, but you're stuck in my brain.

They kissed again. Sehun had one hand running through Junmyeon's blonde strands of hair, the other hand gripping the older's hip. Meanwhile, Junmyeon had felt his heart begin to beat faster and faster. As Sehun positioned himself completely above Junmyeon, their bodies touched, now both feeling each other's' heart beats in their chests, their lips moving in perfect synchronization all the while.

I'm sorry, but I fell in love tonight.

Sehun's kisses moved from Junmyeon's mouth to his jaw, his hands moving from the boy's hair down to the sides of his torso. Junmyeon shifted himself beneath Sehun's body to make himself more comfortable. As much as Junmyeon wished he could be feeling the love he had always felt with Sehun, he just felt his guilt grow bigger and bigger.

I didn't mean to fall in love tonight.

The younger detached his lips from Junmyeon's body as he gazed over the somber face before him. Junmyeon brushed his fingers over every square centimeter of Sehun's face—below his eyes, forehead, ears, lips. He felt the perfection beneath his skin and watched Sehun's eyes fill with tears. Eventually, his own did the exact same.

You're looking like you fell in love tonight.

And Sehun cried. He let his face fall straight into Junmyeon's shoulder, letting out quiet yet forceful sobs. The older felt his heart beat not only faster, but harder. He felt himself become nervous for some reason. Leaving to be on his own was scary enough, but letting Sehun feel this way because of Junmyeon himself—that was a pain nobody could deal with.

"I'm sorry," Junmyeon said, his voice cracking as he tried to resist himself from crying.

Sehun gripped tightly on the pillowcase beneath Junmyeon's head. His chest and fists tightened as he let out another cry. He couldn't help but feel mad. He was confused. He was upset. He was furious. He thought Junmyeon had loved him. If he loved Sehun, he wouldn't be leaving.

"I hate you," Sehun cried. A tear fell down Junmyeon's face as he stroked the younger's pitch-black hair, then wrapping his other arm around Sehun's torso, holding him tight.

"I hate me too."

Could we pretend that we're in love?