Trainee | 박지민

I

1

It's been 9 months since I've been a trainee in BigHit entertainment.

Why BigHit when there's also other companies such as the big 3?

Why not?

I've been a fan of BTS since my friend introduced me to them. And I really HATED her for that. Now I'm stuck in this hole.

But then again, they entertained me, made me happy and excited from fangirling. From their heart wrenching music, to their lit choreographies, to their humble attitudes.

I admired them and made me rethink about what I actually wanted in life.

I also know how well the company takes care of them. Like how they give the fans a lot of contents of BTS to keep them amused and to fangirl about.

So here I am, in this building, trying to make my dream a reality.

It's been 9 months, and it hasn't been easy at all. The pressure of needing to show progress every week to prevent to be at the bottom or else they'll eventually kick you out.

This is pretty much the same pressure as what the trainees in the big 3 feel. Due to BTS' success, everyone wants to be in BigHit now, so they have to be harsh with the survival of the trainees.

I know there have been trainees where they've trained for years. And not all of them even get to debut.

This is what scares me the most, whether it's worth spending my youth trying to improve my skills without the guarantee of debuting, or take the safe road and try to graduate uni.

But despite all these thoughts, I really want to risk it rather than not trying and leaving myself with regret for the rest of my life.

Anyhoo, I also still haven't met BTS. I thought- since we would practice in the same building, that we'd interact and practice together, but NOPE.

They were always out with their busy schedules. Out of the city, out of the country, out of the continent!

Stop it Mia, that's not what you're here for.

"Mia!" I jump from the thundering voice, disturbing my internal thoughts.

"Whaaaaaat!" I whine as I rub my eyes to fully awake me.

"Ppali! I heard they have some important news to tell us trainees or something, we have to be there at 9!" Hyeji panics.

Aw shit. Last time they did this, they kicked some trainees out.

I nod with my half opened eyes while stuttering some non-sense words. It wasn't a good idea staying up late playing games.

"You've been sitting on the bed for 10 minutes! You're wasting time! 9 o'clock is in 14 MINUTES!" She screams and my eyes shoot open.

14? 5 minutes in shower, 1 minute to run to the building, so I have 8 minutes to wash my face and get ready. I don't have time for breakfast, so an apple will do. I'll just eat after.

My mind automatically calculates the time I have to get ready as I jolt from my bed to gather my clothes.

• • •

"Everyone here?" The CEO looks around to see if there are any more trainees coming in.

The last trainee finally walks in and closes the door. I look around feeling intimidated by everyone's strong presence.

All 20 girls in this room right now wants to debut, but we know that only a quarter of us will. And right now, I might be kicked out myself.

"Okay, I'll start with the bad news."

I knew it.

From that moment, my chest was hurting from my heart's thumps. I wanted to burst out crying.

"We'll give you a choice to stay if you wish to-"

Choice? To stay? Huh?

"Those who aren't yet debuting now, will be given a choice to stay. The good news only applies to the 5 of you who will be, soon."

My hand searches for Hyeji's hands next to me. Once they have, I squeeze her hand until it looked like it was about to burst.

She places her free hand on top of mine to calm me down.

It's too soon. I've only been here for 9 months and a lot of the girls here have been training for years. But if I don't get in the debut line-up, I don't know what I would do.

It would probably take another 4 years or so for the company to debut another girl group- maybe even longer. And by that time, I would be too old.

There would be no other choice for me but to go back and graduate from university.

Once I've calmed down from my pressuring thoughts, I was ready.

It's okay Mia, at least it's only been 9 months. Unlike other trainees who've trained longer. It's not too late to go to uni and try to graduate.

"If I call out your name, please come to my office. Kim Soyoung."

I look to my left to see her shocked face. She deserves it, she's helped me in a lot of things, especially in dancing. But I couldn't bring myself to smile at her.

"Lee Jiwon, Han Kyoungji."

I wanted to be happy for all of them, to smile. But I was carried away by my feelings- my parents' lectures, how I'm just wasting my time here. The fact that they are right.

"Park Hyeji." We both immediately look at each other at the same time. Her face smiling and full of relief.

She clutches my arms with hers, and hugs me from my side.

Smile Mia. Be happy, for Hyeji.

I chuckle and ruffle her hair while she rests her head on my right shoulder. This enables me to view the other trainees to her right. Tears were pushing out from their eyes.

"And...."