The Barricade Girl (A Les Miserables FanFiction)

Chapter Eighty-Five

The reception at Grandfather's house is in full swing, but I need a moment of quiet. I escape up to my bedroom – the bedroom I haven't been in in months. It feels good to be back in there. But so much has changed since the last time. I smile at the memories contained in that room – Enjolras throwing stones at my window, him hanging out my window as he tried to climb down, and the night that he and I fell asleep by my window. If only we'd known then how things would have turned out. I sit down on the familiar window seat, and gaze at the view I've been accustomed to my whole life. It hasn't changed much, yet I have changed a vast amount. My eyes draw toward the gravestones Marius had shown me at Christmas – the memorial for our lost boys. I had no idea I'd be able to see them from my room. I sneak back down the stairs, the sound of the musicians echoing through the halls. I slip into the room where the reception is taking place, trying to immerse myself in the festivities, but somehow I can't quite do it. The guests start toasting Marius and Cosette, singing a song that they've sung four times already at this reception, wishing them well, a tradition at weddings in our area. It seems that no-one tires of singing this song at weddings, and I suspect we'll hear it another handful of times today:

"Ring out the bells upon this day of days!

May all the angels of the Lord above

In jubilation sing their songs of praise!

And crown this blessed time with peace and love."

I find myself gazing out the window, in amongst this sea of happiness, listening to the singing, thinking that Enjolras and I should have had that sung to us. I think of how things should have been. As the guests toast my brother and his new wife, I can't stop myself from thinking of how it might have been had it been Enjolras and I that they were toasting. I let my mind wander, and for a second, allow myself to imagine that they are singing for us. I stare out the window, not able to tear my mind away from the boys' memorial. My heart starts to thump inside me. I feel something drawing me out there. Something telling me that I need to go and visit it today. As the singing comes to an end, and is greeted with applause, I sneak around the edge of the crowd and steal some of the flowers from the decorations, knowing that Marius won't mind when he finds out what they are for.

"What are you doing?" A voice booms behind me, making me jump out of my skin.

"Marius!" I squeal. "Don't do that!" I whack his arm. "I just need a breather. And I'm going to take these with me...to...you know, pay my respects...I just feel in a reminiscing mood..." He nods knowingly, as if he's had similar feelings himself.

"I wish they were here too..." He says, as if reading my mind.

"I'll only be a little while", I promise him as I start to walk toward the door.

"You'll be back for the speeches, right?" He calls after me.

"Of course", I assure him, and I exit the house as quickly as I can, picking up the skirts of my ballgown in my free hand, clutching the flowers in the other, and hurriedly walking to their memorial. The music from the house is so loud that, with all the windows open, I can hear the faint music from the reception playing across the grounds. I kneel in front of the grave stones, not worrying about the dirt that might get on my dress as the wind blows through my hair. I lay a flower on each grave, placing a small kiss on my fingers, and touching the headstones as I do.

"How I wish you were here boys..." I whisper, a small tear running down my face. "I miss you all terribly..." I look at Grantaire's headstone. "Even you Grantaire...we've had an abundance of alcohol since you left...no-one else has quite the appetite for it that you did..." And then I look at Enjolras'. "And I miss you most of all..." I stand back up and dust myself of, straightening my skirt as I lean back against the small wall behind me. I sigh and wipe my face dry, trying to compose myself before I go back in. As I do, I catch sight of a figure approaching in the distance. A late wedding guest, most likely. Or one of our groundsmen. I look back at the headstones, not feeling ready to leave just yet. And so I stay there, leaning against the wall, letting my mind linger in the memories I have of my boys to the soundtrack of the music from inside the wedding. But then I realise the figure is walking straight toward me, and I look up again, and I gasp, feeling like my eyes are tricking me, or that I'm hallucinating. This can't be happening. This can't be real. Tears, real tears, fall down my face, and the familiar figure opens his mouth, standing there just as I remember him yet somehow different, and he speaks.

"Do you still not allow men to sit on your wall?"