Fire Beneath Me || L.S.

Feel

Louis POV

Why is he drunk he doesn't like to drink, Why now

"Are you pissed? Why did you drink?" I asked looking at the curly hair boy with lovely  forest green eyes

"Because I was lonely and it made me feel numb and better" he said as he giggled

"Ugh harry you're gonna regret this in the morning" I told him

"Well that's not my problem that future Harry's problem he said

"C'mon lets get you to sleep" I told him

I gave him clothes for him to sleep in but he couldn't do it by him self I helped him change and I saw all the marks that his body was littered with, then I saw it on his thighs cuts. There seem to be scars that were old because they were fading and one cut in particular it was a scar but had been opened again.

It seemed so deep like if it had been cut on repeatedly, I could see all the anger it held and all the pain but even worse to see it open again.

We sat face to face he was still drunk but wouldn't go to bed. I asked him about the cut I knew it was wrong since he's drunk but I couldn't wait till morning.

"What do you mean why do I have scars and cuts on my legs, why else would you see anyone with cuts there because they cut, duh" he said

"Why harry?" I responded looking at the drunken boy

"Because it makes me feel better it's the only pain that I can control. It makes me feel numb but it also makes me feel, plus it's not the first time I'm surprised you just noticed." He said not seeming phased about the question

"Louis can I tell you a secret!" He asked as his voice turned serious, I just simply nodded

"Sometimes, is maybe all the time I think I deserve the beating my father gives me because honestly I am a piece of shit and I don't like living I can't imagine anyone being in love with because they might find me annoying, I find myself annoying so how could anyone love me.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I just went to sleep and never woke up again then I'd be happy because then I'll know no one will miss me but it would be content.

I don't like being alone with myself because I hear everything people have told me and I constantly replay it in my head and it won't stop.

I'm just really tired of everything of my home life of school of living I jut don't want to be here anymore because I don't know how much I can take, I'm not scared that one day my father will go to far I'm scared that one day I will go to far." He said

I felt the burning in my eyes and I just nodded until he spoke again

" can I tell you another secret" he asked, and again I nodded

"I really like you a lot and it scares me because the only love I've known is what my father has showed me is love by hitting me and sometimes I think what if that's love. I remember when we first met and then we kissed, Ive never felt more alive because you made me feel infinite but then we stopped hanging out and you started bullying me.

It hurt me because I really liked you even when you were bullying me because I thought you hated me and this is how it's supposed to be how people show their love. I did date someone after we kissed but I've never felt like I was enough and I just feel sorry that they had to date me.

but the first time I've felt happy in a long time is when you held me after you found me when my dad had hit me I felt at peace and when we kissed  again oh god when we kissed, I felt the world stop it was just you and I no worries no problems no us and you were so gentle and I was scared you made me feel this way because you still make me feel this way even after years." He confessed