Fire Beneath Me || L.S.

Free Yet To Be

Sorry if this chapter is boring, I'm trying to be consistent with updating maybe I'll update every Tuesdays or twice a week no promises tho. All the love x.
-e

Harry's POV

2 am

Here we are again, I'm in the guest washroom, on the floor trying to be as quiet as possible, I put a towel against the door so it would muffle any noise that i made. I'm trying to stay calm but my clothes feel like i'm being strangled. I'm sobbing and I can't breathe, they're getting tighter and tighter.

I'm gasping for air but i cant breathe I'm sobbing. I'm panicking and its getting worse each second feels like an hour. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to stop the tears from coming out.

How was this panic attack triggered, I ate.

I didn't realize how much I had ate today, I was so focused on everything else I had forgot that I had ate today, which isn't a bad thing but I felt full. I panicked because I felt full, I haven't felt full in along time and the fullness reminded me of what my dad used to say to me.

He would always remind me that I was never deserving of food, I almost never ate so being empty made me think that I was doing right but now I'm full and Its reminding me of not just what he would tell me but also the beatings.

I tried hard to keep shut the voice but it would get louder. I continued to sob and I brought my legs to my chest and held them tight trying to comfort myself, I started to get light headed and more and more of my tears started to fall.

Eventually I somewhat calmed myself, I stood up and saw black dots that were bombarding my vision I got light headed, I felt myself loose balance. I grabbed in to the counter to hold myself up.

I looked at my reflection and my eyes were bloodshot, red and puffy. I washed my face to try and get rid of the redness but it didn't work. I left the bathroom and walked in the kitchen to get water, i walked back upstairs but stopped because I heard a voice call my name, it was Gemma.

I entered her room and closed the door. She gestured for me to get into her bed, I crawled into her bed and she had her arm wrapped around me, it reminded me of when we were little.

"I heard you H, I went downstairs to get some food and i heard you in the bathroom, I was going to go in but I thought you wouldn't want to talk so I waited" she said.

"Its nothing" I barely said, my voice was kind of gone

"How is it nothing you're nearly loosing your voice because you were sobbing your heart out, harry tell me please we were so close when we were little and now, now you avoid it. You worry so much about everyone else, you need to let it out so please tell me what is going on" She pleaded.

I tried my best to speak with the little to no voice I had,"Do you remember the time you saw dad hit me? That was the first time he had hit me in front of you, but it wasn't the first time he had hit me, he had hit me many times before.

He apologized but not to me to you,as you know mum was out of town for work and then the same day when you went to go to your spend the night at your friend house, a sleep over. I begged you not to leave, Do you remember?" i said

she simply nodded.

"I was on my knees begging, begging you to stay and you just thought I was being a clingy brother but i wanted you to stay because I didn't want to be alone with him. You left, you were gone for two days and i was in bed for three. He had beat me so bad i couldn't walk properly, i couldn't stand , and even after i passed out he didn't stop.