Fire Beneath Me || L.S.

For the Second Time

Harry' s POV 

2 am 

I've been awake for a while i cant sleep, i keep waking up thinking he's going to come back and drag me out of Louis arms, and if not that nightmare then i have sleep paralysis. I've been having these nightmares since they took him away then it became reality when he attacked me and i think it got worse since ive been out of the hospital. 

I feel really bad that Louis had to get him off me, I blame myself for him getting hurt, for taking away the man my mother loves, for taking my sisters father for breaking apart this family. I feel like a burden, i feel like i have this weight on my chest like if i did something wrong, and it feels like its hard to breathe im not gasping for air but the weight on my chest is big enough for me to still be able to breathe but not properly. 

I feel like a nuisance i feel embarrassed that i feel this way, that i cant control anything and im frustrated that still feel like this after many years. I don't like this feeling because i feel like i'm suffocating but no one can see it. I got up and went to the washroom, i closed the door carefully to not wake up Louis and sat on the floor. Im so tired of feeling this away, physically and emotionally im drained. I know its bad to keep things inside or to pretend that nothings wrong and go with the flow but i feel bad if i make a big deal out my problems. I don't consider them problems it kind of feels like im complaining. 

I'm mad and frustrated and tired of how i feel of everything and i just want a break i need everything to stop just for a moment. Tears have been falling down my face and i quickly clean them away, I don't like to cry even if its a human emotion and everyone is supposed to cry i hate it because i feel a sense of vulnerability. I hear the door open and i see Louis standing in the doorway: messy hair and puffy reddish eyes from lack of sleep. 

He walked to me and sat next to me,"What's wrong and please don't lie to me because no one sits on the washroom floor crying for no reason". 

"im just so tired and i want to sleep but i cant sleep" i said in a small voice 

"Tired like sleepy tired or like the other tired" he asked 

"Both" i said 

"Are you overthinking?"

"No, maybe i dont know" i responded 

"You know the first time i started to realize i liked you, a lot it happened out of no where, because one day i was dating this boy and i thought its just one of those relationships you have at a young age but this was far from that, because one day when you slept over at  my house and i had woken up before you, you looked so peaceful sleeping and i didnt understand why i got this amazing feeling in my stomach and body just by being next to you and how i would melt and would goosebumps when our hands would brush against each other.  Then the first time we kissed i was astounded by how this boy with crazy curly hair, and amazingly green eyes could make me feel this way. 

Thats when i knew of course i knew a lot sooner but thats when i accepted it but i got scared. He didn't understand why i couldn't kiss him in front of others only in secret, why i couldn't text him back after the first time he told me he loved me and the first time i said it back. I looked in his eyes and is empty eyes would look at mine and i wanted to yell and shout at the top of my lung because i was so afraid, i broke his heart. 

But i fell for him a second time this was after he showed me his marks we were out escaping from his father he told me a stupid joke and i saw how his face lit up for the first time in years because of a joke he told and i thought I want him to tell me all of his jokes for the rest of my life" he said and took my hand and intertwined them.