felix lee | freckles

6

You never heard what the boy said to you once you had fallen asleep. Felix was looking at you, he was the one to put the blanket over you, the one to stroke back a strand of hair covering your face - which was all so flawless to him.

It was in the middle of the night when Felix had woken up to you talking in your sleep.

"Mmh what's the point..." you said, so faintly. "He's just going to stay... then leave." That made the boy feel a wave of sorrow for it was the truth, and so badly did he wish it not to be. The moonlight on your face made him stare at you for a long time that night, he played with your fingers as his body rested on the side of the bed. He too fell asleep, his fingers intertwined with yours until dark turned to light.

When morning came he was fast asleep next to you on the floor in a seated position. His hand was wrapped around yours. As your thoughts from your dream the night before flooded your mind.

In your dream you were at home, on call with your best friend when you looked out the window to see a "for lease" sign outside Felix's house being set up. Your best friend had asked you if you liked the boy next door and if you would ever confess your feelings. You asked her what coming to terms with your feelings would do, as in the end Felix was always be meant to leave and return to his life in Korea.

It dawned on you that you really shouldn't have have taken your best friend's advice in becoming friends with Felix as it was just setting yourself up to be hurt. So you removed your hand from his and left.

Felix woke up when you were nearly out the door. "Are you leaving already?"

"Yeah my mum would probably be home now." Your voice was monotone and not once did you look back at him when walking out his door. You had spent at least four days with him but it seemed like you had known him forever. It felt as if you wanted to be with him every single one of those days and for the rest to come. But you couldn't, you told yourself that you couldn't set yourself up to be hurt more.

Before you knew it, time had passed by. Your holidays came and now they were nearly over. You didn't go out much, but it was no big change. You usually stayed inside during the holidays anyway. You had about a week left till school. In all this time of watching K-dramas and eating you wondered why the boy didn't try to interact more. Maybe he felt it, the vibe that you gave off when you left his room that morning. The vibe that you also gave off when he did attempt to see you again.

You remembered one day you saw him standing outside his house, he walked right in front of yours, walked up to the door and set his hand upon it to knock on. Then he didn't knock. He stood there then left.

The other time you actually answered the door, you had no idea it was him. "Hi." He faintly said to you.

"Whatever it is, I can't. I'm busy." You nearly closed the door when he put his hand up to stop it.

"What could you possibly be doing to make you busy. All you do is watch,eat and sleep." You furrowed your brows and he scoffed, "Nevermind." Then left. It was never really much anyway, those four days of friendship probably meant nothing to him.

You just had to make it through another 4-5 months of no interactions. It wouldn't be that hard, he was out most of the time anyway. Probably looking around Perth like he had wanted.

Your heart ached and yearned to see him, to see him smile at you. To hear his voice even if he was to tease you with it most of the time. To intertwine your fingers with his and to just lay in his arms. How could four days with him have affected you so greatly, you wondered.

What you didn't know was the heart ache you experienced had also hit the boy next door too. He had no idea what he did wrong, he thought 'perhaps she didn't like me intertwining our fingers'. 'Did i try too hard?' or 'Was I too much?' Another one of his stupid thoughts. Because for you he could never be too much, other than perfect. He replayed his moments with you and thought about how quickly your time with him was. He replayed his last few hours with you and how he was so bewildered by your beauty that he couldn't help but hold your hand in his, oh how much you made him go crazy. He thought he did many things wrong, when in reality he only made one mistake. That you yourself made too.

It was like the process of catching a butterfly.

You caught it.
Only to let it go.
Missing and savouring the moments you spent with it.
Felix was your butterfly and you were his.